I went to visit some friends at the weekend, actually they were originally SOH friends rather than mine, but they were very supportive after he went and have been really good at offering comfort and advice not to mention their friendship. Staying the weekend with them was good, and I think helped me to move on a bit as well.
While I still love SOH and that will take a long while to subside, my friends boosted my confidence and ego. While I knew his past involved several women, he was very charming and reassured me that I was different and so was our love so I trusted him. Now I am looking forward and not glancing backwards, yes I will still wonder how he is and how he is doing, but as a concerned friend.
I sent him an email this morning, saying how I felt about how it ended, not because I wanted a reply but because it was what I needed to say to him but didn't have the courage to do so on that Monday morning. I don't expect a reply but it is good me to write it down and it has taken a weight of my shoulders acting as it did to alleviate some of the feelings I had over the few days that it took for it to unravel ending with him leaving so suddenly.
I just wish we had been able to talk in person rather than resorting to the written word. I hope he doesn't see it as a criticism, I haven't blamed him rather that it was how I felt about what happened but hoping at the end that one day we will be able to enjoy a cup of coffee and talk about the good days, ignoring the sad ones.
When I got home last night, I was tired and almost hungry. There speaks a woman who has survived on a diet of soup, toast, the occasional banana, yoghurt and prescribed meal replacements.
However the thought crossed my mind I was ready for some real meals last night, right up until the point I took a cottage pie out of the fridge and realised it didn't look very appetising; I think because although it is a normal size the portions would now be way too big so I plan to try cooking and eating half of it tonight as I do need to start eating again properly. Still on the bright side, I have lost a lot of excess weight between the antipathy towards food and the morning gym sessions which is no bad thing.