18 November 2008

Just a Thought

During our weekend in Cornwall, about 10 days ago, we were chatting over a cup of tea/coffee/wine/mead (can't remember which one) and I can remember discussing Dad with SOH's oldest sister when she asked where he was. Now I can't remember how I usually speak of him, whether it is the present or past tense, so it flummoxed me (such a nice word) when she asked about him and I had to tell her that he died in 2002.

I know that when Mum died, Dad was keen to mention her likes/dislikes etc and whenever we went somewhere he would comment that 'your mum would have liked that' and it became normal to me to not to include her in conversations as though she were just out of sight and not mind. So naturally when dad died, I did the same thing with him and he often turns up in my conversations.

Is this common, how many people talk of their loved one's as though they were still with us rather than no longer of the living?


Elaine said...

I tend to say things like 'my mother would have loved to see that' In fact she would have been so proud of all my successes in later life.

Janet said...

I think it's normal. I often say things like that about my father and he died in 1965. My grandfather died last November (a year ago yesterday in fact - I should have called my grandmother, i'm doing it right now), and Grandmother still says "we" and tends to talk about him in the present tense. They were married almost 72 years, so it's very understandable.

Annette said...

Yes, I think a lot of people talk like that. saying "he/she would have liked/disliked that" etc.
It must be hard to let go of that person.

Rae!xx said...

Yes Sage I do my dad and he has been dead 18 years...ouch...I can't believe its that long, I still dream of him too and he is always thankfully in the present..xx

Kathy G said...

I don't do it, but both of my parents have been gone for many years. My Dad died when I was a teenager, more than 30 years ago, and my Mom's been dead 23 years.

The W.O.W. factor said...

I too think it's normal. We still talk about FIL and BIL in current text..and truly have to catch ourselves to realize they have passed!
When someone is so close and dear, I think it must be a natural transition. I don't know what it'll be like in another 20 years, but hope the memories remain as if they were yesterday.
This is a nice thoughful post Sage.