London: 24th July :
A school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Home Secretary Theresa May said that he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.
”Al-gebra is a problem for us," May said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".
When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister David Cameron, speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, then He would have given us more fingers and toes."