29 December 2012

2012 - a look back

As many of you know, 2012 didn't have a happy start with me finding out about the truth about my partner cheating on our relationship and it culminated in him going when I could prove it without a doubt. Previously he had lied to me, told me it was in my imagination and tried to put me down both generally, and emotionally.

In the midst of this, I had my last assignments to do for the PGCE. Needless to say, they were done, but not very well and I had to resubmit one or accept a lower award. Why is it when someone flings a challenge down I feel bound to accept it.. and on this occasion I won through and celebrated it by graduating at the end of October.

I learnt a lot about myself, I went to counselling sessions with a nice lady from Outlook South West and I can really recommend them to anyone in the same position. Turns out I was doing the right thing, setting myself small goals and challenges so the CBT therapy was the way to go.

My teaching I love, and is very rewarding. I enjoy engaging with the students, and there is enough admin to do to keep me happy on that front. I am working longer hours, but that also is good as it means I have been able to retain my independence without having to reliquish my privacy by having a lodger. Time is precious to me, and my task as soon as I get home is to take my lovely boys out for a walk, or run, or to play ball dependingon the weather and they are so pleased to see me.

I have also resurrected some hobbies, left because of time needed for study, knitting in particular and with the aid of SMOG have mastered the art of casting on thumbwise and cabling (not that I am very good at either to be honest) and the cold wet weather we have had has meant that I can catch up on my UFO's (unfinished objects). Somethings I have tried, and not succeeded at, but I will try again in the new year.

We had a quiet christmas, we didn't bother with a turkey, instead the boys and I (and Piran) indulged in a lovely leg of lamb which was recycled as a shepherds pie and am still enjoying as it will be in the freezer waiting for a cold wet night after work to be resurrected and heated up. I came to the conclusion, it is better to be alone, than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely and therefore I am happy that I am where I am today.

To 2013, I issue a challenge... whatever you throw at me buddy, throw it good and hard - it will give me a chance to hit it back even harder

Saturday Satire : The Bride


A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama ... he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

25 December 2012

Nadelik lowen ha blydhen nowydh da


Happy Christmas and a Good New Year to you all

Lots of peace, hope and joy xx

24 December 2012

Extra Humour


A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.
The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks thevet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells himthat they will stop standing around, and instead will lie down, and wallowin the grass, when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into thewoods, has sex with them all, brings them back, then goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for goodmeasure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.

"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drivethem out to the woods.

He spends all day shagging the sheep, and uponreturning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No,"she says,"They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

23 December 2012

Drive safely

Well, last weekend I was out for an evening with friends and had several cocktails followed by some rather nice red wine. 
Feeling jolly I still had the sense to know that I may be slightly over the limit. That's when I did something that I've never done before - I took a cab home.

Sure enough, on the way home there was a police road block but since it was a cab they waved it past. 
 I arrived home safely without incident. This was a real surprise as I had never driven a cab before, I don't know where I got it and now that it's in my garage I don't know what to do with it. !!

22 December 2012

Saturday Satire : Dead Penguins


Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?
 

Where do they go?

Wonder no more ! ! !

It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and
sing: 


>
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"Freeze a jolly good fellow."
"Freeze a jolly good fellow."

21 December 2012

Winter Solstice


Yet another turn of our world today, we start the long journey back to the longest day.

20 December 2012

Yule


In the Northern hemisphere, the winter solstice has been celebrated for millenia. The Norse peoples viewed it as a time for much feasting, merrymaking, and, if the Icelandic sagas are to be believed, a time of sacrifice as well. Traditional customs such as the Yule log, the decorated tree and wassailing can all be traced back to Norse origins.
The Celts of the British Isles celebrated midwinter as well. Although little is known about the specifics of what they did, many traditions persist. According to the writings of Pliny the Elder, this is the time of year in which Druid Priests sacrificed a white bull and gathered mistletoe in celebration.

Winter festivals were also common in Greece and Rome, as well as in the British Isles. When a new religion called Christianity popped up, the new hierarchy had trouble converting the Pagans, and as such, folks didn't want to give up their old holidays.

Christian churches were built on old Pagan worship sites, and Pagan Symbols were incorporated into the symbolism of Christianity. Within a few centuries, the Christians had everyone worshipping a new holiday celebrated on December 25.

In some traditions of Wicca and Paganism, the Yule celebration comes from the Celtic legend of the battle between the young Oak King and the Holly King. The Oak King, representing the light of the new year, tries each year to usurp the old Holly King, who is the symbol of darkness. Re-enactment of the battle is popular in some Wiccan rituals.

19 December 2012

RTFM


For those that remember the BOFH, this was one of his accronyms - RTFM.. it meant read the f*****g manual and anyone involved in IT support invariably comes across a moment when it is apparent that the user hasn't even read the basics and a big sigh will escape as you are going to have to explain it to them in simple enough terms that they might begin to see the light... if all else fails you might have to kill them (just kidding)

18 December 2012

Dashing through the Snow


Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. 


This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. 

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. 


The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EU legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. 


It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas,

The Risk Management Team

17 December 2012

Heroism

I have seen true heroism in those teachers who were killed trying to save their pupils, whether it be under the desk, in the cupboard or trying to shield the children from the killer.

So sad, that for 20 parents there will be an empty place at the table, presents with no child to unwrap and for loved ones pain of knowing their child was taken from them by someone who was unstable.

For the teachers, I am sure you will be remembered in years to come and hopefully there won't be another occasion for such a terrible sacrifice.

Lots of anger abound, but anger doesn't bring back anyone, nor does hatred. School should be a safe place, not a killing ground and guns/lnives should be never treated as weapons by or against children.. only then will they be safe

15 December 2012

Saturday Satire : 70 Years of Marriage

An elderly lady was invited to an old friends home for dinner one evening.

She was impressed by the way her lady friend preceded every request to her husband with endearing terms such as: Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, etc.

The couple had been married almost 70 years and, clearly, they were still very much in love.

While the husband was in the living room, her lady friend leaned over to her hostess to say, 'I think it's wonderful that, after all these years, you still call your husband all those loving names.'

The elderly lady hung her head, 'I have to tell you the truth,' she said, 'his name slipped my mind about 10 years ago, and I'm scared to death to ask the cranky old git what it is

08 December 2012

Saturday Satire : The Sons


Four old Catholic women sit and brag about their sons. The first Catholic woman tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace'."


The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, he's called 'Your Eminence'."


The fourth Catholic woman says, "My incredibly handsome son is 6' 2 with broad, square shoulders, good manners and impeccable style. Whenever he walks into a room, women say, 'Oh my God!'"

03 December 2012

Care in the Community

I am not often given to rants, well not publicly anyway.

I was listening to the news on the radio this morning where they were discussing the state of hospitals and how so many beds are blocked by the elderly; the suggestion to solve the problem is easy, keep them in their own homes or community.

These are amongst the most fragile of our community, people who have served their country for years only to find out the golden promise of a caring NHS is to say you are occupying beds required for more important people than you.

Knowing a lot of the elderly, they will take it on the chin, not complain and die like good citizens relieving the country of the burden of paying pensions/winter fuel allowances for them and releasing a few beds for more deserving causes such as those who use the NHS as a fly-in service.

It might have had the reputation of being a caring service, and certainly when it was set up in the post war it was incredibly different to what had gone before, now we are reducing it to less than it was pre-NHS as relatives are working to pay the bills and won't be available when Mum/Dad/Uncle/Aunt have need of them and that is even if they live in the same location.. with house prices going up, sometimes they have to move miles away to get accommodation.

Stop paying the benefits to those people who have just come in, if they can't support themselves for the first year as they do in Australia then we shouldn't be supporting them either... put the money saved to create a first class NHS service which actively seeks to ensure we give a good quality of life from birth to death and don't take short cuts.

Get rid of some of the fat cats in the NHS, bring back real nurses not academic nurses.. I don't disagree that education is needed, but what is needed most is the care and compassion to actively provide care. I didn't see what the problem was with the old SEN/SRN system and having a degree doesn't make you a caring nurse, just an educated one and trust me Mrs Smith who at 87 just needs help to eat her lunch doesn't care if you have a string of qualifications, just that you have time for her.

Go on - tell me I am wrong.. please 

02 December 2012

Christmas is Cancelled


CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED!!
T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS – OLD SANTA WAS PISSED.
HE CUSSED OUT THE ELVES AND THREW DOWN HIS LIST.
MISERABLE LITTLE BRATS, UNGRATEFUL LITTLE JERKS.
I HAVE A GOOD MIND TO SCRAP THE WHOLE WORKS.

...


I'VE BUSTED MY @SS FOR DAMN NEAR A YEAR.
INSTEAD OF "THANKS SANTA" – WHAT DO I HEAR?THE OLD LADY B*TCHES CAUSE I WORK LATE AT NIGHT…
THE ELVES WANT MORE MONEY – THE RE
INDEER ALL FIGHT.

RUDOLPH GOT DRUNK AND GOOSED ALL THE MAIDS.

DONNER IS PREGNANT AND VIXEN HAS AIDS.
AND JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THAT THINGS WOULD GET BETTER,THOSE @SSHOLES FROM IRS SENT ME A LETTER.

THEY SAY I OWE TAXES – IF THAT AIN'T DAMN FUNNY.

WHO IN THE HELL EVER SENT SANTA MONEY?AND THE KIDS THESE DAYS – THEY ALL ARE THE PITS.
THEY WANT THE IMPOSSIBLE…THOSE MEAN LITTLE SH*TS.

I SPENT A WHOLE YEAR MAKING WAGONS AND SLEDS,ASSEMBLING DOLLS…THEIR ARMS, LEGS AND HEADS,I MADE A TON OF YOYO'S – NO REQUEST FOR THEM…

THEY WANT COMPUTERS AND ROBOTS…THEY THINK I'M IBM.

FLYING THROUGH THE AIR…DODGING THE TREES,FALLING DOWN CHIMNEYS AND SKINNING MY KNEES.

I'M QUITTING THIS JOB…THERE'S JUST NO ENJOYMENT.
I'LL SIT ON MY FAT @SS AND DRAW UNEMPLOYMENT.

THERE'S NO CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR…NOW YOU KNOW THE REASON…

I FOUND ME A BLONDE. I'M GOING SOUTH FOR THE SEASON!!!!

01 December 2012

Saturday Satire : Dr Smith's Clinic

A flat-chested young lady went to Dr. Smith about enlarging her breasts Dr. Smith advised her, 'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!'
She did this faithfully for several months!

 To her utter amazement she grew terrific D-cup boobs!

One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning
ritual.
...
Frightened she might lose her lovely b00bs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood up in the middle aisle of the bus, closed her eyes and said, 'Scooby doobie, doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked, 'Oh! Are you a patient of Dr. Smith’s?
'Yes I am... How did you know?'
He winked and replied, " Hickory dickory dock