29 August 2009

Saturday Satire : Thinking on your feet

A man in London walked into the produce section of his local Tesco's supermarket and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter.

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "some old git wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man was standing right behind him, so he quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half."

The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way.

Later, the manager said to the boy," I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?"

"New Zealand, sir," the boy replied.

"Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked.

The boy said "Sir, there's nothing but whores and rugby players there."

"Is that right? " replied the manager, " My wife is from New Zealand !"

"Really?" replied the boy, "Who'd she play for?"

25 August 2009

Dear Cats n Dogs.... (n rats)

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by F1 and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:


(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they

(1) eat less,
(2) don't ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don't smoke or drink,
(8) don't want to wear your clothes,
(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for further education
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

24 August 2009

Hectic Weekend..

Hit the first hitch of selling the house... least said about that the better but the estate agents are working hard on progressing the sale and hopefully longer term all will be well..

I have a stack of paper an inch thick to complete, some of which I have no idea of what the answers are.. oh well I can but try my best.

This weekend I will be hoping to visit three or four properties in cornwall to see... one of which was first of all in, then out because it was sold, then in because it fell through, then out for another reason and now it is back again because the reason is fairly insignificant. That and three other possibles, one of which is overlooking a rugby ground.. sounds good to me.

Saturday I ventured into Beyondsville, a market town housing a mobile phone shop as mine had yet again gone for repair. The incompetents that took my phone returned it minus the battery and the shop was full of similarly disgruntled customers so I decided to visit an old favourite shop across the way.. I headed upstairs and just as I reached the top I was stung on the hand by a wasp.. the odd word crossed my lips and I tried to ignore the stabbing pain while the wasp ambled merrily on his way without a second thought. I didn't get what I went in for but in the end got something else, which on reflection I don't like... not a great visit and now because of the mobile I have to go back in when the battery has been returned, not likely to be for at least two weeks.

Saturday I bade farewell to the fish, which were leaving to go to other outside ponds.. I was particularly sorry to say goodbye to gutsy and his pod of goldies, he/she would always come and be fed, morning and evening and the house seems emptier without them all.

Yesterday was a mix of organising the packed boxes in the garage, tidying it up so I could put more stuff in and then mowing the grass. I admit by 4pm I was tuckered out and couldn't even begin to think of starting anything else in nearly 30 degrees of heat... but it was lovely weather.

22 August 2009

Saturday Satire : Calling God

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. He bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was. She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he could talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then travelled all across America, Africa, England, Japan, New Zealand. In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same '10,000 per call' sign under it. .

The American decided to travel to Scotland to see if the Scots had the same phone.

He arrived in Scotland and again, in the first church he entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read '40 pence per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.

'Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in all of them the price was 10,000 per call. Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in Scotland now, son - it's a local call'.

18 August 2009

Today.. I spoke to my Line Manager

It was a bit better than I thought, I can't obviously give them official notice as I don't yet have a completion date, however I thought it better to appraise them of my intent to leave and at least keep them in the loop.

This had a better result than I thought, as it now looks like they are willing to work with me and if I need to set a date sooner rather than later then it won't be an issue.. wonder if I can offer myself as a remote consultant? Perhaps not on reflection. Have also been promised a glowing reference despite some of the difficulties over the past few months, I am hopeful on leaving with a) my head held up high and b) knowing my knowledge and experience will be missed.

Now actively hunting for property, compromises will have to be made but on the list of essentials is two double bedrooms, parking space and garage, or at least room to put a structure up that we can house the motorbikes in using a ground anchor for security. Lounge, kitchen, bathroom would be good if they were a fair size but the house I am in only has a small main lounge but a bigger second room that could be used if need be though tends to be a bit cold in winter.

Searching in an area around Redruth, Camborne, Illogan, Four Lanes don't mind doing a bit of diy/painting etc as after the work on the house I may have found a new vocation of interior decorating and display. Was considering a bungalow, but happy to look at houses but I think old rather than new as the older ones generally have a bit more land with them.

If you hear of anything, you might like to tip me the wink...

17 August 2009

463rd Post.... The balloons are up!

And what a good one it is, the second visit went very well the buyers parents also liked the place and we had a good chat over things they stayed for about an hour taking a look around and talking over what they could do to improve the house but the resounding result is that barring all the paperwork it is a done deal..

I will be leaving the back of beyond to go down SouthWest by the end of September (this is obviously the initial date and dependant on other factors such as no obvious problems with the survey and the landsearch..

The new owners have passed their details on to me, as I have with them and I have said if they have any questions, or want to measure up windows etc they are more than welcome to call me and arrange a time.

Just need to appoint a solicitor, I have a choice of going with a building society appointed one or a local one I have used before so I am just waiting to hear back from Nationwide advisor who I met in June to see what she says before confirming with the Estate Agents.

So my next problem, I am leaving the Back of Beyond which has been a firm favourite of mine and how I met Janet of 32-akre wood, and heading down to mining territory in Cornwall which quite clearly is not at the Back of Beyond so any suggestions as to the location naming I should go for?

I look forward to many and varied suggestions and thank you everyone for your support and encouragement, and boy have I needed it on occasion when all seemed gloom and despondancy.

16 August 2009


I had a viewing yesterday, on the house, now while I am happy for people to be shown around when I am not here I feel at a disadvantage when I am around as I feel they can't be honest when they see something they hate and no one person's taste is necessarily like anothers.

Still they were a very nice couple, and I got on with some weeding while they viewed the house, they had a couple of questions which I answered the best I could and when they left I waved goodbye with no idea of how good or bad it went.

Instead I finished baking the cake, how devious is that to put something nice into the oven while they were here to make it more attractive (and boy does my kitchen need help as it has no natural daylight). Then I started the gloss work in the living room which took me until nearly 5.45pm, tricky to do as you have to be careful not to pain over the carpet or on the walls already decorated.

At 4.45pm the phone rang, interrupting my painting, the estate agent rang to ask if I wouldn't mind showing them around the property for a second visit today, along with family and that they had already put an offer in.... and near enough to the asking price to make my heart sing with joy.

Funny thing was, at no point in time have I felt sad about selling up and leaving here despite it being a large part of my life since 1974 when my parents first purchased the house... that told me something.. yes I will probably shed a few tears on the final day, but my life is elsewhere and I think I have already moved on emotionally.

Cornwall.... hopefully soon... here I come

ps Keep your fingers crossed for a good second visit

15 August 2009

Saturday Satire : Cornishmen

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, 'Ere my ansum you sound like you do come from Cornwall?'

The other guy responds proudly, 'Yes I do my luvver, Cornish and proud of it!'

The first guy says, 'Well oggee, oggee, oggee! So am I! A proud man of Cornwall meself. And where about from Cornwall do ee come from ?'

The other guy answers, 'I'm from Camborne, I am.'

The first guy responds, 'So be I!'

'Oh my Gar! And where abouts did you live then ?'

The other guy says, 'Twas rare yo, ansum place, called Dolcoath Avenue'

The first guy says, 'Well I'll be blawed! Tes a small world. Me too yo! Me too! And what school did ee go to then?'

The other guy answers, 'Well now, I went to Camborne school, of course.'

The first guy gets really excited and says, 'Well, bless my soul! And I did! So when did you leave'?

The other guy answers, 'Well, now, let's see. I left in 1964, went to work at Holmans.'

The first guy exclaims, 'Would you b'lieve that! Fancy us being in the same bar tonight! Can you believe it? I left Camborne school in 1964 an went to work at Holman's too!'

About this time, Demelza walks into the bar, sits down and orders a beer.

Brian, the bartender, walks over to Demelza, shaking his head and mutters, 'It's going to be a long night tonight.'

Demelza asks, 'Why do you say that, Brian'?

'The Trelawney twins are p****d again.'


One of SOH's favourite sayings is that when Camborne wants to double it's IQ they advertise for a man to move there from Redruth...now I'm not saying that Camborne people are dim, but this joke that Zeltus sent made me laugh at the subject. Its nice to be able to poke fun at Kernow :-)

14 August 2009

Poets Day

Poets Day or Push off Early Tomorrow's Saturday is an attitude, a state of mind, a lifestyle. It's about taking the time. It's about quality of life. Take things a little less seriously, have a little more fun. Be in control.

Do something different on a Friday. Get out of the office. Refresh your head. Relieve the stress, get back your creativity. Meet people you've never met before. Share ideas. Relax. Tell your boss it'll make you more productive. Mention work-life balance. Then head for the pub.

If you can't then commiserations you are in the rat race good and proper and taking home an honest, if not always enough, wage. The economy is in enough gloom, the country is almost bankrupt and if Gordon borrows any more money to pay back Peter, or lend it to Paul we will get sold off to the highest bidder... better start learning French people...lol just kidding.

Have a good weekend, I am carrying on the task of painting and decorating... and I have two viewings, one tomorrow and one on Monday... so need to keep the place clean and tidy in between times... I know how her Madge feels now letting joe public tramp thru Buckingham Palace; still all we be ok as long as you don't open the cupboards :-)

13 August 2009

CV Howlers

I have been busy reading about how to improve my CV and get a head start, one section of a book I was reading said about the sort of howlers recruitment consultants see and these are some of them.. have a chuckle
  • One was like a ransom note, letters and words cut out of the newspaper and stuck onto a sheet of paper
  • A scientist sent in a massive document half an inch thick with all their publications in it
  • One had a load of sports certificates including their school high jump certificate - they hadn't even won, they came in second
  • The one that had dog-eared corners on it that looked as though the dog had chewed on it, or the baby had.
  • The one with stains on, what they were no one was prepared to investigate too closely
  • The one produced by a graphic designer that was a work of art, for an advertising role
  • Personal photos taken in a photo booth - badly
  • One listener phoned into a talkback interview we were giving and told the authors about the made who had his CV hand-delivered by a strippergram.
  • A bank manager who made his CV out to look like a bank cheque, with the address appearing like the banks address and the telephone numbers looking like the cheque numbers
  • An Architect produced a 3-D CV that was the perfect model of a house. On lifting the roof, each room contained different information on the candidate
  • An application for every general manager's position advertised at the same company, regardless of the functional area, and sent the same poorly typed standard photocopied letter of application plus a CV with a handwritten reference to the position he was seeking
  • An applicant sent his CV in 16 point font so that it read like a kid's book
Needless to say, I have now amended my CV (just kidding) but I did find these funny and also disheartening at the same time as my CV has been passed over a few times... hence my reading up on how to make it look a lot better.

12 August 2009


Janet's oldest started school this week, The Queen is enjoying it immensely and it reminded me of my first days at nursery school (what everyone else now refers to as Kindergarden).

I can't remember being told about it, but older brother Zeltus had been going to 'school' for about two years before I was sent.. Nursery in Aborfield, where we were based at the time, was in a nissan hut down by the Cinema building (I think this is where it was) and it was in a old army nissan hut with a fenced off play area at the rear and to the side.

My mum took me there one morning with instructions to have fun and play nicely with the other children, of course I was suitably distraught at being abandoned to my fate and no idea of when or even if I were to be allowed home again. See in the 1950's we weren't mollycoddled, parents didn't stay with their kids, they weren't allowed to.. no drop them at the door and run for it..

I do remember a couple of things, one of which was the rocking horse behind the front door which was used in strict rotation so everyone who wanted a go managed to get some time on it, I think I did but I really can't remember it other than it was a magnificant specimen of a rocking horse in a dapple grey colour.

The other thing was the free milk and biscuits at break-time, now they were strict and you had to drink your milk warm as it was felt at the time that ice-cold milk was bad for you, ever since then I have had a phobia about drinking plain milk unless it is a) fresh and b) icy cold. Likewise you were supposed to keep your strength up and this involved partaking of a biscuit, never mind if you didn't like the offerings you were made to eat it.. I developed a hatred of fig rolls and won't eat one to this date... surprisingly at the time I didn't like bourbon biscuits either though I love them these days.

I am sure there were some activities but I can't recall doing anything particular, so anything they taught me was obviously lost in the mists of time.

Release came at the end of the morning, freedom given for the rest of the day until the following day when it resumed once more.

11 August 2009

Meur ras onen hag oll

or Thank you one and all

Yesterday I passed the 10,000 visitor mark since I started this blog... I wasn't certain when I started this that anyone would be interested or entertained by my scribbles and really didn't consider why I was doing it other than a need to write.

To those of you who have visited in the past, Meur ras, may we have many more days of laughter, joy and smiles. To those who have yet to visit, or have just made your first visit, Dynnargh and enjoy the ride.

You might have wondered about the title of this post, well one of my hobbies is to learn new languages, and this time I have turned my aging brain to learning Kernow for no other reason than it is nice to have something to do and might come in useful for the future.

10 August 2009

The Charge Of The Light Brigade

A mentioned in a post recently Tennyson recently, in one of her posts. I came across him by accident almost (not having studied him at school). One of my visits to my Nan co-incided with a bun-fight (jumble sale) at her sheltered accommodation, I was searching through the books (even at 11 I was always into books) and saw a battered 1897 copy of Tennyson's poems. I spent the princely sum of 10p for this treasure only to see my Mum roll her eyes at my purchase. I enjoyed reading some of the poems more than others, but my particular favourite was :

Memorializing Events in the Battle of Balaclava, October 25, 1854
Written 1854 Alfred, Lord Tennyson (illustration by Richard Caton Woodville 1825-1855)

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
'Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

'Forward, the Light Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd ?
Not tho' the soldier knew
Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley'd & thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash'd all their sabres bare,
Flash'd as they turn'd in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder'd:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro' the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel'd from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter'd & sunder'd.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro' the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!

09 August 2009


Thanks to Dickiebo for this kind award, it is always nice to receive awards and recognition even for the smallest things and I still remember when I found Dickiebo's blog it made me smile from Day 1 and still does.

Also thanks to Hadriana's Treasures, who is having a bit of a tough time at the moment was kind enough to make me this award (along with a few other followers) and pass me 4 others... I hope things pick up for you on the personal and business front. Hadriana has just qualified as a Guide at Vindolanda. I have enjoyed a couple of visits to Hadrian's Wall and Vindolanda is impressive. One of my ambitions is to walk the length of Hadrian's Wall, not sure when it will happen but it will eventually.

The viewing on the house went well on Friday, he wants to make a second visit along with a friend... so keep your fingers crossed for me as the sooner I sell the sooner I can move to Cornwall. I decided to pay the Estate agent up front for the sale, so handed over 999 pounds yesterday, includes the HIP and all costs nothing more to pay. I did consider the alternative of paying on the sale end but it would have cost at least twice as much, it is still a gamble but they are seemingly doing a good job so far.

08 August 2009

Saturday Satire : Aussie Party

A rich man living in Darwin decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbours.

He also invited Colin,the only aborigine in the neighbourhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion.

Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns, oysters and BBQ and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 15ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in.

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Colin in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing

All kinds of stuff like head butts and chokeholds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Judo Instructor.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Colin and the croc were screaming and raising hell..

Finally Colin strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

Colin then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief.

The host says, 'Well, Colin, I reckon I owe you a million dollars'

'Nah, you all right boss, I don't want it,' said Colin.

The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half A million bucks then?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered Colin.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something.

That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options?

Again, Colin said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well Colin, then what do you want?

Colin said,
"I want the b*****d who pushed me in."

07 August 2009

Swine Flu Pictures

So much has been on the news recently about swine flu, the pandemic, the scariness of it all... the people using it as an excuse to skive off from work etc.

Then the news that there is a reduction in numbers of people infected but the anticipation that Winter will be worse and so on... Does news inform or scare?

So I did my own research and managed to get a picture of it. Please do tell me what you think....

06 August 2009

Thank you

Thank you to Janet who gave me this badge at the end of July and I hadn't even acknowledged it... for which I apologise; just put it down to all the decorating I have been doing, which hopefully is nearing an end.

Janet said "Sage at Wise Herb's Random Jottings, who always has a good clean joke on Saturdays and lovely pictures from the Scottish countryside from her wanderings on her motorcycle. Oh, and recipes"

I can't think of a nicer way to be described particularly with regard to the jokes as I do know raunchier ones but made a decision that good clean humour was probably funnier to a lot more people than something more near the knuckle that might only appeal to a few.

Janet, from the back of beyond (though hopefully not too much longer) I thank you for your friendship and if ever you want to make a visit you would be more than welcome to stay with me, the ratz and soon hopefully the catz.

05 August 2009

Its always nice

Its a good feeling and nice when things get their MOT done and they get through it with no work needed.. Max my beloved motorbike had his 3rd MOT today (was it really 6 years ago that I purchased him - the time has gone by so quickly) and he got through with flying colours...

I am now free of car/bike hassle until January when Tax becomes due on the car, and then April when the MOT is due on that but I am hoping after paying for all the work last time that I wouldn't need to do too much more.

Of course this time last year, I was looking forward to a long and challenging ride down to the South of France, this year I might be going to Suffolk to the National Rally instead... oh how the mighty have fallen actually I have plans that might include a holiday in the sun but it does require the house to be sold and if there are enough pennies in the pot then I am going to have a break and am considering Cyprus... should still be warm enough in Oct/Nov time shouldn't it?

Any other suggestions welcomed... I want a beach, soft and sandy, don't mind if it is quiet as long as there is a bar to have a drink at, don't mind self-catering but happy to do full board or even half-board.

04 August 2009

Tawny Owls and Critters

Another feature of the Back of Beyond is the hunting calls of the tawny owls, absent for a while they have returned and at least three birds were calling to each other last night for about an hour..

It is hard to describe how the hunting sounds (its not the hooting call used for a different purpose) but I used to be able to emulate it and get them to answer back, by whistling through my front teeth... ye gods carruthers that sounds really bad but really it isn't any worse than sheepdog whistles honest.

I lay there last night, after a busy evenings work (OK I lied about the work, other than putting oil on the window sills (hardwood), and a door panel I watched a film well I didn't have much of a rest all weekend and I was bushed) anyway, the owls were calling to each other and then all went quiet so I guess they either managed to get a dinner or moved on to a different area.

The other call I haven't heard recently is the muntjac deer or barking deer as they are known locally; this is because they sound like a dog with a hoarse throat and they were known to frequent the local woods and old kitchen gardens (since trimmed back or rather hacked down) so with the loss of cover the deer have moved on to other haunts but it is a shame as they are kind of interesting though as dense as a plank of wood when it comes to cars, bikes etc.

Once when travelling back late one night on the bike, I came down the road from the village to find a muntjac crossing the road, he was confused by only one headlight and didn't know where to go so he stood still. Me on the bike didn't know whether to try and second guess him, or stay where I was and in the end we just sat and faced each other for about 5 minutes before he lost his nerve and bolted across to the fields.

03 August 2009

Bathroom Decorating

My tired old bathroom is being revamped, the wallpaper removed (tiling on a roll eurgggh) and the turquoise paint underneath being painted in white shiny paint, the tiles cleaned and probably painted, the seal round the bath replaced and a nice new shower curtain hung.. it looks nicer than before.

I guess I could have gone for something a little more radical..

You know those street artists, with their chalk murals... how about something like this?

Sorry I don't know where it came from, only that a friend of mine sent it to me by email and I thought it was so good it deserved a blog post.

It would work best if you were in a tower block rather than in a house but even so it is so funny to look at and see all the painted detail even the waste pipes have been put in...

Whoever this is, well done, you made my week...

Today is special

3rd August 1990 was when Sam and Teg were born

3rd August 1992 was when Mum passed away.... leaving us bereft and hurting. but she wouldn't have known anything much about it which was a comfort to us that she left behind; it's hard to believe that 17 years have gone by since that day.

and who could forget
3rd August 1938 is Sir Terry Wogan's Birthday... and he is working today! hopefully Lady Wogan will have a nice big birthday cake waiting for him at Wogan Towers.

Today is a special day, for memories both good and bad and even the bad ones have good things about them.

02 August 2009

Tile Paint

I will upload the photographs from before and after, but painting the kitchen tiles in white gloss tile paint was definitely a stroke of genius. A friend a few years back had mentioned painting tiles rather than replacing them which was the first I had heard of doing it. When I was thinking about tarting up the house ready for sale, I knew I had to do something about the tiles in the kitchen as they looked old. tired and dull.

One tin costs 19 pounds, but covers 6 square metres, and I opted for a one coat rather than paint primer then topcoat which was slightly more expensive paint but took less time to do the job.

The only problem I had with the paint was the smell, not unpleasant but you do want to work in a well ventilated space if you suffer from asthma or other chest complaints. I admit to doing the kitchen in three parts as I limited my exposure to the paint and also meant I could finish other jobs as well.

I am actually beginning to like the DIY aspects of this tarting up process and hope that I will get a chance to utlise my skills no matter where I end up as I have enjoyed the challenge of doing things that before were Dad's domain though I think my gloss work on the doors meet anything he had done before.

01 August 2009

Saturday Satire : The First Time

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet & have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time & the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms & sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house & meets his girlfriend at the door. 'Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!'

The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head. A minute passes & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass & still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the boyfriend, 'I had no idea you were this religious.'
The boy turns & whispers back, 'I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.'