19 May 2012

Saturday Satire : The Milk Bath

A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. So she left a note for her milk-man to leave 15 gallons of milk.

When the milk-man read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons so he knocked on her door to clarify the point.

The blonde came to the door and the milk-man said, “I found your note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?”

The blonde said, “I want 15 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath.”

The milk-man asked, “Do you want it Pasteurized?”

The blonde said, “No, just up to my boobs, I can splash it in my eyes.”

12 May 2012

Saturday Satire : The Badge

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas, and talked with the old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there,"pointing to a field to his right.

The DEA officer virtually exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching in to his trousers pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed his badge to the rancher.
"See this badge! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish......On any land!
No questions asked and no answers given!
Have I made myself clear..... do you understand?"

The rancher nodded politely, apologised, and carried on doing his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that the officer would be gored before he reached safety.
The rancher threw down his tools, and ran to the fence yelling at the top of his lungs.


10 May 2012


Sorry life has been a bit hectic at late.. blame it on :

pick the most appropriate excuse you think you believe

a) enormous amount of work on
b) enormous amount of PGCE assignment work required
c) lack of ideas
d) facebook

Actually it is all of them... which makes me even more of a bad excuse lol

06 May 2012


I was not surprised to see Usain Bolt being accused of letting his 'side' down by dating a non-black woman in yesterday's papers. Inter-race relationships are frowned upon in nearly every country whether you are black, white, asian, arab, muslim, hindu, sikh or jew (apologies if I have left anyone out) ... the need to 'keep' the lines true come through clearly in some of the quotes in the Bolt article.

But why, surely it is the personality not the colour that is important to the people involved that's who they fall in love with not a checklist of will my friends approve, frankly if your friends don't approve then perhaps they are not really your friends at all!

Tolerance is needed, not intolerance. To fall in love is good, and to find the man/woman of your dreams sublime no matter what race, religion or colour; if you can accept it then so should others not judge you.

Usain, good luck for the olympics

05 May 2012

Saturday Satire : Shop Signs

Sign over a gynaecologist's office.
"Dr Jones, at your cervix."

In a podiatrist's office.
"Time wounds all heels."

On a septic tank truck.
"Yesterday's meals on wheels."

On a plumber's truck.
"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another plumber's truck.
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

On a church's billboard.
"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a tyre store.
"Invite us to your next blowout."

On an electrician's truck.
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area.
"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door.
"Push, push, push."

At an optometrist's office.
"If you don't see what you are looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a taxidermist's office.
"We really know our stuff."

On a fence.
"Salesmen welcome; dog food is expensive."

At a car dealership.
"The best way to get back on your feet---miss a car payment."

Outside a car exhaust store.
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a vet's waiting room.
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

In a restaurant window.
"Don't stand there and be hungry, come in and be fed up."

In the front yard of a funeral director.
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

Sign at a radiator shop.
"Best place in town to take a leak."

Sign on the back of another septic tank truck.
"Caution---This vehicle is full of political promises."