31 July 2010

Saturday Satire : Questions

A little girl walks in to the lounge one Sunday morning where her Daddy is reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

Father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bottoms when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks seriously perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks:

"Well....ok...... where does Tigger come from then?"

29 July 2010

Day trip to the Cape

I had a day out of the office yesterday, to meet up with some students, one of whom was in Penzance, another in St Ives and lastly one in St Just.

Not being familiar with the area, I asked SOH if there was anywhere to go and eat lunch before the last student of the day in St Just. He said go to Cape Cornwall.

I deliberately didn't look it up before going there, I uploaded the details on to the laptop that was needed for the student and as it wasn't far from St Just I decided to head over, even though I would only have a short time there.

It was stunning, really and the sun was shining down brightly as I enjoyed a cup of coffee, a ham roll and a banana while admiring the view from the car park at the bottom of this road.

One of the signs, stated the rocks which you can see on the left hand side look like Charles De Gaulle lying in a bath.  It took me a while, but see for yourself.

I think it was a lovely spot to enjoy, and promised myself that I would go back there to find out a little more of the history of the area.

24 July 2010

Saturday Satire : Teachers

London: 24th July :

A school teacher was arrested today at Gatwick Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Home Secretary Theresa May said that he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the Met Police with carrying weapons of maths instruction.

”Al-gebra is a problem for us," May said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute values. They use secret code names like ‘x’ and ‘y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with co-ordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle".

When asked to comment on the arrest, Prime Minister David Cameron, speaking from his holiday resort before the planes stopped flying, said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, then He would have given us more fingers and toes."

19 July 2010


Something I have noticed that is different between the Edge of the World and the Back of Beyond is the slugs.

Strange thing to notice, I know, but somethings just catch your attention and after last week's downpours the number and variety of slugs, snails etc just caught my eyes.

At the Back of Beyond after rain we were deluged with large, fat, black moist slugs (squelching underfoot if you were unlucky enough not to notice) but down here, we have a variety of colours ranging from Black to a pale fawn colour and every variety in between along with an equally huge number of snails with every pattern going.

Perhaps it is the position, further south west than the Back of Beyond, or possibly being more urban but it is truly fascinating.

18 July 2010

Sunset at Tre Agan

Not of tonight, as it is still too early. But this was taken last week when we were treated to the most gorgeous sunsets I had ever seen with the Sun setting out over the sea towards St Agnes. What a lovely place to live Tre Agan is I am sure you will agree.

17 July 2010

Saturday Satire - The Zoo

Two Homosexuals are walking through a zoo.

They get to the gorilla section and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection.

The gay men are fascinated by this. One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for six hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by....

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage. An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shrieks, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called....he hasn't written....."

16 July 2010

The 21st Century

You know you've entered the 21st century when :-

1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 50 or 60 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list...

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~ ~~~~~~~

NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

12 July 2010

Cooking on Gas

Perhaps one of you readers out there will explain why some things cook better on gas than others. I made two cakes yesterday, one was ever so slightly underinflated and the other came out perfectly. Same recipe, same oven temp etc. The later one was the one that came out perfectly, the earlier one came out flatter and less inviting though I am sure it will go down just as well.

There isn't the luxury of telling me when the oven is up to temperature, do gas oven's have such a thing? Should I leave it on longer to warm up? Are there any tips you use to tell when your cooker is hot enough to cook a cake perfectly?

I need to cook some chocolate brownies, for my work buddies, who have been helping me with a huge mountain of work which is going to be resolved by a new colleague who starts work on Monday and with relief I will go back to just doing two jobs again.

10 July 2010

Saturday Satire - Punctuation?

A junior school class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy called upon walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him
just what it was. 'It's a period,' said the little boy.

Well, I can see that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'

'Damned if I know,' said the little boy, 'but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself.'

09 July 2010

Primate Floors Prime Minister

What I hear you say, well it all started on Wednesday when Pirate FM set up a link to register to ask the PM a question. I couldn't resist and put my entry in and to my surprise I was among the 100 (lucky?) people invited to meet David Cameron today and to get my question answered.

We duly turned up at a secret location, actually a car park on the edge of Newquay, passed the initial security checks (Photo ID and date of birth) and then took our seats on a bus waiting for the go ahead.

The bus took a circuitous route into Newquay, we probably could have walked but never mind, the police were checking us in against the list they had on the table, frisked by the coppers and bags checked we were alllowed to take our seats in the school hall.

David Cameron is very charismatic, and even though he wasn't always delivering the right answers he did it with a smile and we nodded in unison. I was lucky enough to ask my question which was asking about the balance between needing a skilled workforce to improve the community versus the barriers to education that stops people reskilling. It doesn't take money, but does require investment. David was very good at talking the talk, but didn't really deliver an answer to my question, the Con-Dems want to pass some of the costs on to businesses and charities but they will need funding. hmmmm.

What did make us all chuckle, and hence the title of this post, was the lady who wanted to know whether there would be a policy to protect primates which can currently be kept as household pets similar to dogs/cats etc, but for health and conservation reasons she suggested that primates shouldn't be thought of as pets. David was floored and eventually had to admit he had no idea but would have to get back to her.

I can't wait to see the papers tomorrow lol

07 July 2010

I took a lot of thought

This post is my 700th post on the blog, and I don't have anything witty to say, even though I have thought long and hard over what to say or post.

Life is pretty hectic at the moment, I am covering three jobs while we wait for new staff and am completely run off my feet then in the evenings I am on a new exercise regime involving ball games and walking :-) meanwhile the days are flying by and with some relief I am able at last to cook meals using an oven. Still using the steamer as I like the flavour of the veggies done in that and SOH has at long last made one of his curries, something we haven't had for a few months and it tasted gorgeous even without the peas lol.

Tonight I will be going to Praze n Beeble, such a great name don't you think?, to watch the cricket match between Rodda's and the village. Apparently this isn't your normal whites, slow handclapping type of cricket match but I will let you know.

Meanwhile the world ticks on, and thus the blog moves onerously towards the 1000 posts marker at which point in time if you haven't all died of sheer boredom I will host a giveaway of all things cornish.

03 July 2010

Saturday Satire : Two Nuns

Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes, when one said 'It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them.'

The second nun said, 'I've found a marvellous invention called the condom, which works really well for this problem. You just open the packet up, take out the condom, and put the cigarette butt in, roll it up, and dispose of it all later!'

The first nun was quite impressed and asked where she could find them.

'You get them at the drug store, sister, just go and ask the pharmacist for them.'

The next day the good sister went to the drug store and walked up to the counter.

'Good morning sister,' said the pharmacist. 'What can I do for you today?'

'I'd like some condoms please' said the nun.

The pharmacist was a little taken aback, but recovered soon enough and asked, 'How many boxes would you like -- there are twelve to a box.'

'I'll take six boxes that should last about a week' said the nun.

The pharmacist was truly flabbergasted by this time, and was almost afraid to ask any more questions, but his professionalism prevailed and he asked in a clear voice, 'Sister, what size condoms would you like? We have large, extra large, and the big liar size.'

The sister thought for a minute, and finally said, 'I'm not certain, perhaps you could recommend a good size for a Camel?

The pharmacist fainted.

02 July 2010

What? July already!

I can't believe the year has flown by so quickly, this time last year, I was busy decorating the back of beyond ready for putting it on the market. This year I am busy unpacking at the Edge of the World and looking forward to my new career which started yesterday.

I am busy catching up with the paperwork needed, of which there is plenty. In the main though, I have a free reign to manage my work load and make my own appointments to see clients.

Life has been full of surprises over the past 12 months, some good, some bad but always interesting to come out of the other side. Hopefully now the surprises may be small and good for the forseeable future.