13 July 2008

Zen Guide to Life

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either, just sod off and leave me alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Have you ever lent someone £20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our bottoms. From there on in, life gets worse.

but most of all

The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed


Asclepius said...

"Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it."

This is what I consider the foundation of a career in healthcare. Its a quote I didnt come across until I met my girlfriend. No amount of books and practice will prepare you for your first patient going into cardiac arrest. I have yet to come across a person who doesnt freeze up when they are first faced with that situation. But the second time they dont freeze up.

Elaine said...

Thank you for that list.

And for a good laugh this morning!

Dan said...

"If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything"

SO SO true :D

Not that I lie... one, I have a rubbish memory, and two, when I lie I LOOK and SOUND guilty...

"I saw such-and-such today!"
"No Dan, you didn't"
"No, I didn't" *cries*