Saturday Satire : the old couple

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.

They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.... "I would like it infrequently" she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered ...

'Is that one word or two?'

Heading our way...

According to the weather forecast coldaggedon is about to hit the UK. Something to do with a sudden stratospheric warming whatsit (or some such name). Funny I always knew it as winter! The Great Siberian Freezer door have been opened and the draft is heading our way; thought I think the Eastern Counties might have it worse than here at the edge of the world.

There was, however, a lovely red sky on route to work this morning. I wish I had got my camera with me,  because the entire sky was like a warm red. If shepherds warnings have got anything to do with it, we are probably in for some not so nice weather (mind you as long as it is dry we can deal with most things). The airports willa shut, trains will not run because the rails are Icy, cold or some such other excuse. The roads will be impassable because of a lack of salt, gritters or statutory rest breaks by the Ministry of Stupidity.

The temperatures will drop to minus figures, getting rid of evil viruses such as no norovirus et al plaguing our little independent nation at the present moment, shops will run short of supplies as people stock up for the great disaster they are expecting and children will love the white stuff if they are lucky enough to get it.

Enjoy it people, be happy in a glorious winters' day that we will shortly experience, spring will be heading our way soon enough and the beauty that it promises will soon enough be here; already here we have golden daffodils to cheer up these dark days.

Positive Thought #2

Yesterday I went to the Eden Project, somewhere that Dad and I had planned to do when he unexpectedly didn't wake up one morning. I didn't make it for another 5 years and then it was to celebrate my 50th Birthday with the now ex. I had a couple of visits when I moved here, because events were held there by the college, but at £23.50 to get in I think it is overpriced for most pockets which is a shame. However, the ticket to get it can be made up to an annual ticket for no extra cost, yes brilliant, but not helpful if you live in Yorkshire for instance or unless you happen to come to Cornwall every weekend.

Yesterday, The Eden project, gave free access to Truro College members, just show your card and you and up to four members of your family got in free. I took along a 'Sister' and two of her children and a little 6 month old grandaughter and we had a good time. I also brought a 'local access' ticket whereby for the grand sum of £12.50 I now have two years free access to the centre and I am planning to use it regularly. It is only about 40 mins away from Tre Agan, and it will be nice to capture the changing seasons; I did take the camera yesterday but it ran out of battery power and I couldn't manage to open the cover in order to change batteries.

I did however, manage to go up the new rainforest walkway, up to the top of the rainforest biome and it is suspended on steel wires and as you walk up/down it has a wonderful wobble, just think of the millenium bridge in London before they fixed it. The views were marvellous, but my friend couldn't do it because of the baby so I tried not to spend too much time knowing I could come back at any time in the future.

Good times ahead, I will post pictures as soon as I  can download from the camera.

Satire Satire : The Wife's Sacrifice

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the man's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.
So the wife offered to donate some of her own skin.

 However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and they requested that the doctor also honor their secret.

After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he ever had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his baby face!

One day, he was alone with his wife, and he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice.

He said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

 My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

Postive Thought #1

First of my many positive thoughts for this year.

One of the advantages of living here at the Edge of the World, is that even on the shortest day it was still light gone 4pm and means I get home to the boys to take them out in the daylight (even when it is raining lol).

Of course, this is backed up by the fact that the mornings are deep and gloomy until 8ish, but then when I was living in the Back of Beyond I can remember it being dark and gloomy when I was heading to work and that was about 8am ish so I generally have longer days.

The other positive factor about living here, is the temperatures, while BoB was freezing and having snow falling before christmas, here it was still mild (well it would be with all that wet falling from the sky) and I love that.

I love that in ten minutes I can be at the beach and paddling despite it being very fresh and very cold.. it is still better than having to take a day trip. Now I can make a flask of coffee or hot chocolate and go and watch the waves crash on the shore every day if I want (I don't always have the time, or so I tell myself) it doesn't cost me anything in diesel, and I can even go on the bus if I want to save even more.

New Year thoughts

I didn't make any new year resolutions but instead set out a path for me to explore. Not follow, explore. I will be trying new things, going to new places, learning new things and while I know that not everything will work or be successful, or even enjoyable, it will not stop me wandering on.

Having finished the PGCE and not having the funding to do the course I want, I am concentrating my efforts on other things. I have seen some lovely felted animals that gets my creative thoughts wondering if i could do the same sort of thing, likewise I would love to try painting though I have never been artistic and would love to improve my photography skills.

I have some more personal aims, but more of those later

A New Chapter

... and so it begins

A chilly plunge ankle deep into the sea at Portreath with the beloved Pond Boys.... brr cold and chilly wasn't the word - instantanously my toes felt as though blast frozen and no more than appendages to my now freezing cold foot but the boys and I enjoyed the run on the beach.

I should have taken a flask of hot chocolate, but too keen to get there and only ensuring I had a pound coin for the car park I didn't take anything like that and it was too early for the ocean cafe to be open.

After you had adjusted to the icy wind, the temperature seemed a little warmer, was I acclimatising I thought.. or just too chilled to consider hypothermia? We spend an hour there, just enough to use up the car park ticket and then home to enjoy a hot chocolate in the sunshine (through the window) meanwhile the ninja cat is going beserk at having the back door opened and is busy zipping in and out as though he can't quite believe it is not raining for once.

Work tomorrow, though at a different location to my normal, I am covering Newquay OLC heaven help them but I can take plenty with me in case it isn't too busy (please).

I hope everyone had a happy, healthy New Year and not too overburdened by rich foods and chocolates

Lots of Love to you all

Its started at the other side of the world ... so

2012 - a look back

As many of you know, 2012 didn't have a happy start with me finding out about the truth about my partner cheating on our relationship and it culminated in him going when I could prove it without a doubt. Previously he had lied to me, told me it was in my imagination and tried to put me down both generally, and emotionally.

In the midst of this, I had my last assignments to do for the PGCE. Needless to say, they were done, but not very well and I had to resubmit one or accept a lower award. Why is it when someone flings a challenge down I feel bound to accept it.. and on this occasion I won through and celebrated it by graduating at the end of October.

I learnt a lot about myself, I went to counselling sessions with a nice lady from Outlook South West and I can really recommend them to anyone in the same position. Turns out I was doing the right thing, setting myself small goals and challenges so the CBT therapy was the way to go.

My teaching I love, and is very rewarding. I enjoy engaging with the students, and there is enough admin to do to keep me happy on that front. I am working longer hours, but that also is good as it means I have been able to retain my independence without having to reliquish my privacy by having a lodger. Time is precious to me, and my task as soon as I get home is to take my lovely boys out for a walk, or run, or to play ball dependingon the weather and they are so pleased to see me.

I have also resurrected some hobbies, left because of time needed for study, knitting in particular and with the aid of SMOG have mastered the art of casting on thumbwise and cabling (not that I am very good at either to be honest) and the cold wet weather we have had has meant that I can catch up on my UFO's (unfinished objects). Somethings I have tried, and not succeeded at, but I will try again in the new year.

We had a quiet christmas, we didn't bother with a turkey, instead the boys and I (and Piran) indulged in a lovely leg of lamb which was recycled as a shepherds pie and am still enjoying as it will be in the freezer waiting for a cold wet night after work to be resurrected and heated up. I came to the conclusion, it is better to be alone, than to be with someone who makes you feel lonely and therefore I am happy that I am where I am today.

To 2013, I issue a challenge... whatever you throw at me buddy, throw it good and hard - it will give me a chance to hit it back even harder

Saturday Satire : The Bride

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

"Well," said her mother, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon as wonderful! So romantic..."

Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned Sam started using the most horrible language - things I'd never heard before!
I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to take me home... PLEASE MAMA!"

"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now, tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"

"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I'm so embarrassed they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"

"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama ... he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook..."

"I'll pick you up in twenty minutes," said the mother.

Nadelik lowen ha blydhen nowydh da

Happy Christmas and a Good New Year to you all

Lots of peace, hope and joy xx

Extra Humour

A Scotsman buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks thevet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells himthat they will stop standing around, and instead will lie down, and wallowin the grass, when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into thewoods, has sex with them all, brings them back, then goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for goodmeasure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around.

"Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drivethem out to the woods.

He spends all day shagging the sheep, and uponreturning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No,"she says,"They're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."