08 February 2011

Rant : Friends, Non-friends?

Sometimes I have despaired of my so called friends.. people who for what ever reason believed they had the right to criticize my choices in a non-supportive way. These are three fairly recent one's who have helped to shape my life albeit not necessarily in a positive way.

I, like many other people, don't mind supportive criticism as it can be helpful, but I was thinking of a specific person who effectively punished me by withdrawing their friendship because of the choices I made about my life which was to start dating again. Three years later I still don't understand their motives, nor do I think I ever will. The only regrets I have is that I never challenged their decision or actions and it all left a bad taste in my mouth.

Another now non-friend, also decided that I was no longer suitable to be a friend because I was dating and for what ever reason couldn't or wouldn't accept it even though they were themselves in a 'happy live together' relationship. During our friendship, I provided personal and work support, companionship and all three of us enjoyed holidays together. The abrupt end came with my half-century birthday, while we were all down in Cornwall; it was my first visit to the region since my Dad died in 2002 in the county and I was also suffering with a chest infection so wasn't feeling at my best. Needless to say, now I am living down here, I no longer have any contact with them but before I left if we met they wouldn't even acknowledge my existence.

The last person I have purposely lost contact with, is a fairly new friendship,  but who betrayed my trust and proved to be less than honest. I have rarely trusted people to the degree I trusted them, and a few text messages destroyed the tenuous links we had. If what they sent demonstrated their character, then personally they have a lot to worry about in their own relationship as honesty, trust and faithfulness. I considered my options, but it was not my right to let their spouse know, that will be up to them; but I believe they are on a self-destruct course.

Do I feel sorry at the loss of the above people? No, I have a firm belief in what was meant to be and for what ever reason these were people I was not intended to stay close to. I tried with the first two, to rebuild what was lost, but ended up feeling more punished. The last person, I chose to break off contact with as I couldn't bring myself to even discuss it with them. As they themselves haven't made an effort, perhaps they know that their actions were wrong and they know it is not possible to redress the situation. It may be that they read this blog, and understand how I feel, I am not sure.

On a brighter note, I have met some lovely people down here, some I have grown close to, others I see as part of my work but most of all I am enjoying life and the experiences of the slower pace of life.


Hogdayafternoon said...

Sage, have you ever lent someone 20 quid and never seen them again? It was probably worth it.

Annette said...

I'm sorry to hear this sage.
It is so hurtful.
What gives them the right to try to control your life?
However, you'll probably be better off without them.