Saturday Satire - Disease Warning

The United States Center for Contagious Disease Control has issued a level 1 warning about a new virulent strain that has been quickly spreading. The disease is contracted through dangerously high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim, and is pronounced "gonna re-elect 'em."

Research has confirmed that most victims contracted this dangerous and destructive disease after having been screwed in November 2008. It is expected to infect the general population of the United Kingdom widely in May 2010.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how destructive this disease has become and have further learned that it is easily cured....by simply voting out all incumbents!

Too Hot... Too Cold

Yet again the bug has struck.... from being freezing cold and shivering, I have gone to being like a furnace and not even sunshine in sight...

Don't know whether it is the length of Winter this year, and boy doesn't it seem to have gone on for such a long time, or whether it is just the contact with new people and places that brings these bugs out to attack.

Luckily, or unluckily, it is mainly now my nose that is bunged up and stuffy but the cough is a cracker but not something I am worrying about as otherwise I feel fine.

Had to have an early night on Saturday, due to feeling ever so slightly unwell, and piled all the blankets I could find on top of me as well as the quilt and a second one as well. I cooked the virus out and although it left me feeling a bit on the wobbly side, and a bit lack lustre about food. I even missed a chinese meal on the saturday night but I wouldn't have been able to do it justice. Instead I suddenly developed a craving for a strawberry milkshake on Sunday afternoon which once in my mind nothing was going to make it go away except a trip to the golden arches.

Why is it that the very worst things for you taste the best especially when you are recovering from illness? I have no idea but it went down very well at the time.

I am looking for more permanent work, but enjoying the drive to Truro it lets me wind down from work before I get home. Though I would like to have something a little closer to home if I could only because I am about to shell out on a second hand mountain bike and it would be nice on a sunny warm day to consider cycling in, but even I am not mad enough to do 10 miles.

Piggin' Lovely

Went out yesterday, with SOH's family to bring home the bacon...

Well actually a 17stone, 9 month old gilt called Big Girl who is a cross breed gloucester old spot and has a lovely temperament; though she didn't think much of being coaxed into the trailer to bring her back home to Redruth.

She almost became bacon though, and the two other gilts sharing her stall were off to the 'you know where' today but the family have an idea to raise their own piglets rather than buying weaners and raising them.

We even had lessons in inseminating pigs with AI you can buy over the internet; I didn't know you could DIY AI for pigs but you can and cheaper than it would cost to sent the pig to the boar..

You live and learn.

Saturday Satire - Tanjooberrymutts

The following is a telephonic exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and room-service in China ......

Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

Room Service: "Ow ulai den?"

Guest: ".....What??"

Room Service: "Ow ulai den?!?... Pryed, boyud, pochd?"

Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."

Room Service: "Ow ulai dee bayken ? Creepse?"

Guest: "Crisp will be fine."

Room Service: "Hokay. An sahn toes?"

Guest: "What?"

Room Service: "An toes. ulai sahn toes?"

Guest: "I.... Don't think so.."

RoomService: "No? Udo wan sahn toes???"

Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'udo wan sahn toes' means."

RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Uoo don wan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we botter?"

Guest: "Oh, English muffin! !! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'...
Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RoomService: "We botter?"

Guest: "No, just put the botter on the side."

RoomService: "Wad?!?"

Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."

RoomService: "Copy?"

Guest: "Excuse me?"

RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"

Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."

RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, creepse bayken , Anglish moppin, we botter on sigh and copy ... Rye ??"

Guest: "Whatever you say."

RoomService: "Tanjooberrymutts."

Guest: "You're welcome"

Disappointed

I was really looking forward to watching the Winter Olympics from Vancouver, and boy have I been disappointed.

Not with the competitors, the weather, the location, the time difference.. no just that the BBC are not putting on as much as I would have liked, where were the highlights - hidden away on BBC2 as though it was something to hide.

If it had been Wimbledon the channels would have been swamped with live matches, replays and highlights of the day; likewise football, we get a glut of it, with the FA Cup, the Euro matches, the world cup etc.. but the Olympics held every 4 years have had so little air time in prime time and I cannot stay awake long enough to watch it live at midnight and beyond.

What exactly do I pay my licence fees for BBC, please tell me that.. Oh hang on, I know it's those damn celebrity shows you insist are entertainment. Well let me tell you that you have it wrong, and that eventually we the people will rebel until you start putting on decent programming schedules and not endless repeats or celebrity showcases.

I loved his books

Dick Francis, that is, who sadly died yesterday. I can remember eagerly awaiting the release of his newest novel (and really didn't care whether it was him, his wife or his son who wrote it) then sitting down and reading it in one go; usually within a couple of hours.

There was no point in even talking to me when I had my nose in a book, I was oblivious to the world and wouldn't surface, willingly, until I had read the last word.

The book would then join the rest of the book collection, sorted by order, until I took it down again for another refresh of the story. No matter how many times I read it, the story was just as fresh as before and just as gripping. I loved the tales of racing and enjoyed the way the stories ran, though I will admit the earlier books were better than the later ones where racing almost took second place.

Weekend of sunshine and warmth

It was nice to sit out in the warm sunshine yesterday, I was cleaning some of the bike gloves and boots using good old fashioned saddlesoap, they will need re-conditioning at some point in time, but the storage conditions are not ideal for leather and some of the gloves had grown a lovely mildew covering of mould which comes off beautifully with a bit of warm water and some saddle soap. I brought a bar of it when we visited Trago Mills at Liskeard as I thought it might come in handy and it has done. The only thing I didn't buy which I regret is some Kao-Ko-Line which is used to condition leather and waterproof it without rotting the stitching. Very important in boots and gloves which can be expensive to buy and not always easy to find the ones that suit.

The afternoon was spent, as it got cooler outside, in front of the TV watching the rugby, England were playing Italy and making a ham-fisted job of beating them. Not that the Italians were playing badly, it was more that England were throwing away chances and Johnny Wilkinson didn't help by missing three penalty kicks; this was later blamed on the fact that a Mitre rugby ball was being used - not something he was used to.. My dad always said a bad workmen always blames his tools, so hopefully JW will gear up for the next round of matches.

I made the mistake of trying some mulled wine SOH was given for christmas, and on an empty stomach it made me feel really yeuch. Enough at the end to go and get some tablets to cure the headache. Though later a nice piece of treacle tart with some clotted cream went down nicely. We brought it from Kingsley market along with some sausages. I will definitely be going back there for meat as the prices were as reasonable as the bigger supermarkets and it is nice to support the local economy. In all the times I have visited cornwall I had never been there and didn't know what I was missing.

Saturday Satire : Career Paths

A father had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, he really didn't know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem to concerned either.

One day, while the lad was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed four objects on his bedside table: a Bible, a £5 note, a bottle of whisky and a Playboy magazine.

"I'll just hide behind the dooor," the father said to himself,"when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll watch to see which object he picks up.

"If it's the Bible, he's going to be a vicar. If he picks up the money, he's going to be a banker or businessman. But if he picks up the bottle he's going to be a no-good drunkard. Worst of all, if he picks up the magazine he's going to be a skirt chasing bum."

The man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house and headed to his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.With curiosity in his eye, he walked over and inspected them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the money and dropped it in his pocket. He then uncorked the bottle and took a big swig as he admired the centrefold in the magazine.

"Lord have mercy," the old man whispered disgustingly,"he's going to run for Parliament!"

Time

Time is flying by really quickly this year, and yet at the same time dragging it's heels.

What do I mean by that?

Well the days are getting longer, and the sun is definitely getting warmer (when you see it that is), but the temperature seems still to be as cold as the depths of winter. Here we are in virtually in the middle of February and this morning I was outside at -3 degrees C defrosting my car to go to work yet the sunshine was bright enough to dazzle.

The children are just starting their half-term here, 6 weeks after returning to work, meanwhile I have been at my job for the same amount of time and it has flown by. I am looking around for more permanent work as this is only temporary until the Summer but I am ever hopeful the right job will turn up for me. The one thing it has taught me is that I can fit in to a new team quickly and pretty much do the job without feeling like a fish out of water, which is something you never really know until you do it; and after nearly 30 years in one employment I will admit to having doubts.

All we need now is for the house to sell, so we can buy something down here and move out of the caravan into our own space. Not only that we plan on having a dog, torn between a German Shepherd and a Belgian Shepherd. SOH likes the idea of having a shepherd dog, I like the idea of having a big dog after years of little jack russells and it won't remind me of Sam quite so much. We saw a 4 month old Belgian Shepherd called Hudson at Pool market a week or so ago and he was absolutely gorgeous but we have to wait for the right circumstances.

Ideas for Packed Lunches

I am running out of ideas for packed lunches, I can only do sandwiches with plain fillings as I don't like soggy bread and as my journey to work has to start reasonably early I cannot really do them in the morning.

Other than ham and pickle, or cheese and pickle (and I can't eat a lot of cheese these days) or the fallback of peanut butter I am at a loss for the right ideas.

I can take a salad, and have done for the past two days, and as the main canteen for the office is right downstairs with fridges for our use, I have access to storing salads to keep them cold.

I could take bread and butter, and then put on salmon to make them fresh, but it still lacks originality or even enthusiasm.

I did find some sandwich recipes on-line but again it would make the bread soggy or contains too much mayonnaise etc for my liking.

Today I am having garlic chicken wraps with grapes, I have spread the tortilla wrap very thinly with some garlic mayonnaise, sprinkled some chicken on it and the grapes are stored in the same container so I just have to cut them in two and add them to the wrap

What do others do for their lunch, because as nice as the lunches are downstairs and yesterday they did roast lamb, they are too expensive to do each day and not only that I can't eat two main meals a day as it makes me to full.

So ideas please either it can be in a comment or on your own blog, there must be some good ideas out there.

Back to the folds of Winter

Over here in the West at the Edge of the World, the cold fingers of Winter are reaching out, not as badly as for those living in the East of the Country where snow and ice are making lives so much more difficult.

It seems strange to see on the news the weather only 300 miles away and yet so different to what I wake up to.

Even that is small stuff in comparison to the snowfall that the East Coast of the US has received and is still receiving, they are expecting another 18 inches on top of the 3ft they have already but they still manage to run their services and some hardy souls are skiing to work in the capital.

Take note England for when we even get 2 inches of the white fluffy stuff we grind everything to a halt for days.

I can't wait for the warmer days to return, last weekend we even had warm sunshine and light winds, enough for me to ditch my coat for a waistcoat for a short trip into town and not notice the cold. But I am keeping an eye out on the first signs of a real spring emerging though Sally over at Cornwall beside the Sea has seen the first daffodils blooming at Portreath.

In the pouring rain

A nice young man, known officially now as the hero of the hour, pulled off the old exhaust now completed severed from the manifold end and welded it back together using a bit of spare pipe and meanwhile the rain pelted down on him as he was lying on his back outside under the car.

It took him about an hour in total and then my little car sounded once more like a car and not an undersized tractor. He did try to kid me by saying I had to drive at 20 miles per hour for 5 miles which later got increased to 10 miles but I kept quiet. It has to have some more work done on it in the near future as the Cam belt drive and pulleys need to be replaced due to age, hopefully this will be enough to keep it going for a little longer.

I am looking to get a new car, well new second hand. I haven't made up my mind what I want, but some of it is going to come down to needs and environment as well as costs. I quite like the idea of a Kia next but have no experience of them, though SOH's Dad has had a couple and seems quite happy with them.