14 March 2013

New Wonder Drugs - soon available near you

Peptobimbo ...Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out, increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol ...When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music.

Flipitor ...Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics ...When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin ...Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as,"You make me want to be a better person ... Can we get naked now?"

Buyagra ...Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all ...When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

St. Mom's Wort ...Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering pre-schoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Anti-talksident ...A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin ...Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet ...When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Jack Asspirin ...Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. !!


Kathy G said...


Bernard said...

Carol, a blonde city girl, marries a Cornish dairy farmer.
One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, farmer John says to Carol, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the rail above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'
So then the farmer leaves for the fields.
After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door.
Carol takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one...right here.'
Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another dizzy blonde, the man asks,
'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?'
That's simple, by the nail over its stall', Carol explains very confidently.
Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?'
She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, ......

'I guess it's to hang your trousers on.'