I read another blog 'It happens in Cranfield' as this is where I used to live and it is one way of keeping in touch with what is going on at the back of beyond.
In one post, the author talks about the local dialect, and we have got into a discussion about the old Cranfield broad accent which I remember was spoken by my grandfather. The first time I really remember visting them was before we left for Malaya as our dog Lady was being rehomed with one of my Dad's cousins Cyril who lived in Brogbrough - unfortunately while we were out in Malaya, Lady was run over on the main road; I am not certain of the details.
My grandmother, or Nanna I think I called her was a lovely lady who before we left slipped a 10 shilling note to both me and my brother - I didn't realise at the time what this had probably cost her I just remember thinking how lucky I was - so shallow when I was young.
My grandad was a tall man, over 6ft tall and very thin and lanky. I remember him as being quite stern and mostly he ignored us.
It would be another 5 years before I saw him again, my Nanna had died while we were based in Germany and while Dad had flown back for her last days and funeral we had remained in Detmold.
On our return to the UK, we left in December and our new quarters were not available until January so we used our caravan to spend a few (rather frosty) weeks in on a campsite just up the road from Grandad. One evening we were detailed to spend an evening with him, while mum and dad went out somewhere.. and this is where it gets quite funny. I was 14 almost 15 and Zeltus was 16 going on 17 I think.
Grandad had a very broad accent, and neither Zeltus nor myself could make much sense of it. We used the tone of his voice to help us decide whether it was a question or a statement, if it were a question we used to guess at either Yes or No, and a statement we used to just nod and get him to continue.
This is how we managed to drink his entire stock of peach brandy (not the strong stuff) and make headway into the cherry brandy.. as his questions were presumably do you want a drink?... It was only later as an adult I thought about what he must have thought of us and realised we probably seemed dull of understanding, not realising there was a language barrier.
Dad when he came home was also a bit worse the wear for alcohol, Mum was driving so was probably the only one sober out of the three. Poor grandad came in for a bit of a verbal bashing, and never again did he offer us a drink, and gradually we came to understand more than one word in three.
Sadly, the strong accent seems to have died out completely, although pronunciation of village names has remained. The next village to Cranfield is Salford (not Salford as in nr Manchester) but a silent L means this is pronounced Safford... confusing to those not from the local area.
Living down here at the Edge of the World, I have learnt a whole new language and pronunciations and similar to the Back of Beyond what you see isn't always how it is said.
04 February 2013
02 February 2013
Saturday Satire : The Burglar's Tale
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped... out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a birdMoses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
He nearly jumped... out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a birdMoses?"
"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
29 January 2013
January is fast
... very fast and drawing to a close with wind and gales not to mention torrential rain... is it me or is this very strange seasonal weather.
Cornwall missed out on the majority of the snow, thankfully, though we are not out of the woods until probably into June and beyond but I think everyone is hoping for a good year weatherwise.
I noted on the local news that the Eden Project is cutting back on some jobs, shame as it is already highly priced and in order to attract more people to the location, you really need to be competitive price wise and also offer things for everyone to do and I am not sure it quite meets all of those targets for young and old alike.
I took the dogs down to the beach at Portreath on Sunday morning, made a flask of coffee but forgot to take it with me - doh! We spent the best part of an hour on the beach, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air, the dogs ran in and out of the water, I couldn't quite tell if it was actually coming in or going out but we enjoyed a rummage in the tide pools and in the edges of the surf. I am still wary of letting them go in when it is slightly rough, strong swimmers they might be but you hear so many tales of dogs and people being swept out to sea by strong undercurrents.
A good game of tennis ball throwing usually does the trick, they slept the rest of the day while I caught up with housework, who knew that they had so much black hair on them (or rather not on them). I had given up trying to dry anything this week, so took the washing to the local laundrette and used their dryers, I don't own one as I think they are way too easy an option but on this occasion it was worth getting it all done, dried and folded as ironing then was at a minimum.
Next month sees me celebrate the anniversary of my freedom, from a relationship gone sour, least said. I survived the fall out, with dignity and pride intact. Knowing I did everything I could to make it work, but you can't be the only one in a relationship who does, it is a team effort and on the whole I don't think I have lost anything irreplaceable. I will be raising a glass to celebrate on the 8th February, join me if you like at 8pm with a tipple of your choice.
Cornwall missed out on the majority of the snow, thankfully, though we are not out of the woods until probably into June and beyond but I think everyone is hoping for a good year weatherwise.
I noted on the local news that the Eden Project is cutting back on some jobs, shame as it is already highly priced and in order to attract more people to the location, you really need to be competitive price wise and also offer things for everyone to do and I am not sure it quite meets all of those targets for young and old alike.
I took the dogs down to the beach at Portreath on Sunday morning, made a flask of coffee but forgot to take it with me - doh! We spent the best part of an hour on the beach, enjoying the sunshine and fresh air, the dogs ran in and out of the water, I couldn't quite tell if it was actually coming in or going out but we enjoyed a rummage in the tide pools and in the edges of the surf. I am still wary of letting them go in when it is slightly rough, strong swimmers they might be but you hear so many tales of dogs and people being swept out to sea by strong undercurrents.
A good game of tennis ball throwing usually does the trick, they slept the rest of the day while I caught up with housework, who knew that they had so much black hair on them (or rather not on them). I had given up trying to dry anything this week, so took the washing to the local laundrette and used their dryers, I don't own one as I think they are way too easy an option but on this occasion it was worth getting it all done, dried and folded as ironing then was at a minimum.
Next month sees me celebrate the anniversary of my freedom, from a relationship gone sour, least said. I survived the fall out, with dignity and pride intact. Knowing I did everything I could to make it work, but you can't be the only one in a relationship who does, it is a team effort and on the whole I don't think I have lost anything irreplaceable. I will be raising a glass to celebrate on the 8th February, join me if you like at 8pm with a tipple of your choice.
26 January 2013
Saturday Satire : Who was best?
A Priest, A Minister and a Rabbi and all were trying to see who was the best at their job.
They decided to go to the woods find a bear and convert it.
One week later they all came back with their stories:
The priest went first and said “ well when I went out into the woods I found a bear and I gave him communion and now he's a regular church goer."
The minister said he found his by the stream and baptized him and now he goes to my church frequently."
When the rabbis turn came he was in a wheelchair with a full body cast and he said "perhaps I shouldn't have started with the circumcision"
They decided to go to the woods find a bear and convert it.
One week later they all came back with their stories:
The priest went first and said “ well when I went out into the woods I found a bear and I gave him communion and now he's a regular church goer."
The minister said he found his by the stream and baptized him and now he goes to my church frequently."
When the rabbis turn came he was in a wheelchair with a full body cast and he said "perhaps I shouldn't have started with the circumcision"
24 January 2013
Today is ...
Black Cat Day....
According to the news reports, black cats may be popular with witches - but not with us apparently. Today therefore is black cat day - a day devoted to re-homing these ebony animals because there are so many of them in care. I am not sure why this is, they are just as loving as a tabby, or a ginger cat so why wouldn't they be as popular. It could be the long held myth that they were witches familiar but why does the same applied to black dogs, and it does.
How I ended up with my three black boys....
I have two black Labradors, Murphy and Jasper, stunning lads with a lovely temperament and yet both of them came from rescue organisations.
Murphy because he was too much for his last owner to cope with (he is a very strong willed dog and you really have to be one step ahead of him, but this chunky monkey of a dog is a loving wannabe lapdog - just a shame my lap isn't that big). He came to me just a week before his first birthday, and had three previous owners. I promised Murphy then, he would never have to have another home in his lifetime come what may I will fight tooth and nail to ensure that comes true for him.
Jasper came, partly because Murphy is bit of a lazy monkey, and I thought company for him in the shape of another dog would encourage him to do more running around. Jasper (originally called Bobby), came from Labrador Rescue and he and his brother would escape and run wild on the moors down near Penzance. Jasper is a comedian, has a permanent laugh on his face, and loves, absolutely loves his tennis ball and will do anything for a game of throw.
Neither one of them could be called cat friendly when we had them, certainly outside Jasper and Murphy would love to chase anything that moved.. preferably a cat. So getting a kitten was done with much thought.
I knew it had to be a kitten, to fit in with them, but not buying it from a backyard breeder. I found someone who takes in semi-feral and feral cats and their kittens and then 'tames' them by patience and skill (not to mention a few bites in the process).
Piran was black with a little white bib and another white patch on his belly, he was 16 weeks old when he came, so not too young but very skittish as for the first 5 days apart from the missing food, I didn't see him. I used to come home from work, walk the dogs, and then go and sit in Piran's room and read to him from whichever book I was reading at the time.
Slowly but surely, Piran realised that I wasn't going to hurt him, nor make him do anything until he was ready and one night I woke up to noises from his room. He was sitting on the windowsill looking out, he treated me to a low growl, but let me stroke him; the growl turned to a purr and the battle was won. He quickly decided to explore upstairs, a gate was put downstairs to stop the dogs from coming up although Murphy and Piran met at bedtimes and all was well with those two.
The introduction to Jasper was a little more challenging, a greeting through the stairgate was met with snapping from the dog and a fairly skittish kitten. It was at this point in time I wondered whether I had done the right thing, I carried out with the scent transferring (a number of blankets kept swapping between the dogs and the kitten to familiarise them with the others scents).. and hoped that Piran had enough sense to know to get to safety if he were to venture downstairs.
About three weeks after he arrived, I was watching tv with the dogs when all of a sudden they rushed to the dining table upon which was a tiny little black kitten calmly washing himself and announcing he was now here to stay. Murphy was used to him so just came and sat back down by my feet and the kitten curled up on the sofa and fell asleep unaware of the very big step he had taken. Jasper was puzzled, and rather confused with the behaviour of this tiny little boy, he came over and said hello to the sleeping kitten and then also lay down and snoozed.
:
: tbc
According to the news reports, black cats may be popular with witches - but not with us apparently. Today therefore is black cat day - a day devoted to re-homing these ebony animals because there are so many of them in care. I am not sure why this is, they are just as loving as a tabby, or a ginger cat so why wouldn't they be as popular. It could be the long held myth that they were witches familiar but why does the same applied to black dogs, and it does.
How I ended up with my three black boys....
I have two black Labradors, Murphy and Jasper, stunning lads with a lovely temperament and yet both of them came from rescue organisations.
Murphy because he was too much for his last owner to cope with (he is a very strong willed dog and you really have to be one step ahead of him, but this chunky monkey of a dog is a loving wannabe lapdog - just a shame my lap isn't that big). He came to me just a week before his first birthday, and had three previous owners. I promised Murphy then, he would never have to have another home in his lifetime come what may I will fight tooth and nail to ensure that comes true for him.
Jasper came, partly because Murphy is bit of a lazy monkey, and I thought company for him in the shape of another dog would encourage him to do more running around. Jasper (originally called Bobby), came from Labrador Rescue and he and his brother would escape and run wild on the moors down near Penzance. Jasper is a comedian, has a permanent laugh on his face, and loves, absolutely loves his tennis ball and will do anything for a game of throw.
Neither one of them could be called cat friendly when we had them, certainly outside Jasper and Murphy would love to chase anything that moved.. preferably a cat. So getting a kitten was done with much thought.
I knew it had to be a kitten, to fit in with them, but not buying it from a backyard breeder. I found someone who takes in semi-feral and feral cats and their kittens and then 'tames' them by patience and skill (not to mention a few bites in the process).
Piran was black with a little white bib and another white patch on his belly, he was 16 weeks old when he came, so not too young but very skittish as for the first 5 days apart from the missing food, I didn't see him. I used to come home from work, walk the dogs, and then go and sit in Piran's room and read to him from whichever book I was reading at the time.
Slowly but surely, Piran realised that I wasn't going to hurt him, nor make him do anything until he was ready and one night I woke up to noises from his room. He was sitting on the windowsill looking out, he treated me to a low growl, but let me stroke him; the growl turned to a purr and the battle was won. He quickly decided to explore upstairs, a gate was put downstairs to stop the dogs from coming up although Murphy and Piran met at bedtimes and all was well with those two.
The introduction to Jasper was a little more challenging, a greeting through the stairgate was met with snapping from the dog and a fairly skittish kitten. It was at this point in time I wondered whether I had done the right thing, I carried out with the scent transferring (a number of blankets kept swapping between the dogs and the kitten to familiarise them with the others scents).. and hoped that Piran had enough sense to know to get to safety if he were to venture downstairs.
About three weeks after he arrived, I was watching tv with the dogs when all of a sudden they rushed to the dining table upon which was a tiny little black kitten calmly washing himself and announcing he was now here to stay. Murphy was used to him so just came and sat back down by my feet and the kitten curled up on the sofa and fell asleep unaware of the very big step he had taken. Jasper was puzzled, and rather confused with the behaviour of this tiny little boy, he came over and said hello to the sleeping kitten and then also lay down and snoozed.
:
: tbc
21 January 2013
Positive Thoughts #4
I am not actually trying to think of positive things, I wait until they pop into my mind. Honest.
Today's thought popped into my mind on the way to work. I was on the bus into Truro to work and I was thinking I was very lucky to work down here in a job I like but also to work in a city. Now I know to most of you, Truro is a bit of a small place but city it is and having lived and worked in London which is mahoosive and really busy it is a pleasure to visit and shop in Truro.
I previously lived in a village, albeit of 5000+ residents so technically larger than your average village and moved to Redruth which as I live on the edge is practically on the farm so I don't feel that I am urbanised too much yet if the weather is bad I can walk into town for most things and in fact the supermarket is within walking range.
At the back of beyond, being on top of a hill and living on the edge of the village it was 1/4 mile before you eve got to civilisation and had a budgen's supermarket or the co-op at the other end. When we had some bad weather both shops ran out of essential supplies and lorries couldn't get into replenish stocks.
So I feel lucky to live where I do, it may not be perfect but it is as close as I can get.
Today's thought popped into my mind on the way to work. I was on the bus into Truro to work and I was thinking I was very lucky to work down here in a job I like but also to work in a city. Now I know to most of you, Truro is a bit of a small place but city it is and having lived and worked in London which is mahoosive and really busy it is a pleasure to visit and shop in Truro.
I previously lived in a village, albeit of 5000+ residents so technically larger than your average village and moved to Redruth which as I live on the edge is practically on the farm so I don't feel that I am urbanised too much yet if the weather is bad I can walk into town for most things and in fact the supermarket is within walking range.
At the back of beyond, being on top of a hill and living on the edge of the village it was 1/4 mile before you eve got to civilisation and had a budgen's supermarket or the co-op at the other end. When we had some bad weather both shops ran out of essential supplies and lorries couldn't get into replenish stocks.
So I feel lucky to live where I do, it may not be perfect but it is as close as I can get.
19 January 2013
Saturday Satire : Ferrari F1 Team Changes
"The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday."
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower...................
This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the British government's 'Work for your Dole' scheme and employ some Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all four wheels in under 6 seconds but, within 12 seconds, they had re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Lewis Hamilton's bird in the shower...................
17 January 2013
The Best Regiment in the British Army
A Paratrooper, a Craftsman, a Gunner and a Fusilier got into an argument about which Regiment was "The Best." The arguing became so heated the four squaddies failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street. They were hit by the truck and killed instantly.
.
.
Soon, the four soldiers found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven. There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four Squaddies asked him, "Saint Peter, which Regiment of the British Army is the best?"
.
.
.
Saint Peter replied, "I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."
.
.
.
Sometime later the four Soldiers see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven and asked Saint Peter if he was able to ask God for the answer to their answer.?
Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen:
MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY ONE
TO: All Former Soldiers.
SUBJECT: Which Regiment Is the Best
1. All branches of the Armed Forces are honourable and noble.
2. Each serves the United Kingdom well and with distinction.
3. Serving in the military represents a great honour warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.
4. Always be proud of that.
Warm regards,
GOD
Royal Regiment of Artillery (retired)
14 January 2013
Positive thought #3
There is a definite dip in the weather, and I have a roof over my head, heating keeping me warm and food on the table.. there are many out there today, that have to make compromises on any and all of the above and I have to be greatful for what I do have, not for want I would like to have.
I see daily in the news the politicians saying we have to have an austere time, but when people are reduced to using foodbanks then it strikes me that the balance is wrong and I would like to think that David Cameron and his cronies fellow politicians are fighting their cause to become the new robin hoods and take from the rich and give to the poor.
I read fairy tales too xx
I see daily in the news the politicians saying we have to have an austere time, but when people are reduced to using foodbanks then it strikes me that the balance is wrong and I would like to think that David Cameron and his
I read fairy tales too xx
13 January 2013
Jus Waiting
The Sudden Stratospheric watsit is making its presence felt on the eastern side of the country, with temperatures rarely reaching above freezing... here is it blue skies and sunshine, but we know that we are due to see some colder weather, though probably not the snow that the rest of the country are having.
I have the washing out on the line. though there is little wind. It will simply smell fresher for having an airing outside. The dogs, after a brief walk this morning, I managed to turn my ankle on friday afternoon... and strapped up took them up to the top field and threw balls for them; they are now sleeping it off nicely.
Lunch is cooking in the oven, I raided the freezer for a piece of pork to roast.... with roasted veggies and potatoes, dinner tonight is going to be slowcooked pork... soft, tender and very flavoursome.
How are you spending your Sunday?
I have the washing out on the line. though there is little wind. It will simply smell fresher for having an airing outside. The dogs, after a brief walk this morning, I managed to turn my ankle on friday afternoon... and strapped up took them up to the top field and threw balls for them; they are now sleeping it off nicely.
Lunch is cooking in the oven, I raided the freezer for a piece of pork to roast.... with roasted veggies and potatoes, dinner tonight is going to be slowcooked pork... soft, tender and very flavoursome.
How are you spending your Sunday?
12 January 2013
Saturday Satire : the old couple
An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had
been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their
friends, they decided it was finally time to get married.
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.... "I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered ...
'Is that one word or two?'
Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work.
They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.
'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively.... "I would like it infrequently" she replied.
The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered ...
'Is that one word or two?'
10 January 2013
Heading our way...
According to the weather forecast coldaggedon is about to hit the UK. Something to do with a sudden stratospheric warming whatsit (or some such name). Funny I always knew it as winter! The Great Siberian Freezer door have been opened and the draft is heading our way; thought I think the Eastern Counties might have it worse than here at the edge of the world.
There was, however, a lovely red sky on route to work this morning. I wish I had got my camera with me, because the entire sky was like a warm red. If shepherds warnings have got anything to do with it, we are probably in for some not so nice weather (mind you as long as it is dry we can deal with most things). The airports willa shut, trains will not run because the rails are Icy, cold or some such other excuse. The roads will be impassable because of a lack of salt, gritters or statutory rest breaks by the Ministry of Stupidity.
The temperatures will drop to minus figures, getting rid of evil viruses such as no norovirus et al plaguing our little independent nation at the present moment, shops will run short of supplies as people stock up for the great disaster they are expecting and children will love the white stuff if they are lucky enough to get it.
Enjoy it people, be happy in a glorious winters' day that we will shortly experience, spring will be heading our way soon enough and the beauty that it promises will soon enough be here; already here we have golden daffodils to cheer up these dark days.
There was, however, a lovely red sky on route to work this morning. I wish I had got my camera with me, because the entire sky was like a warm red. If shepherds warnings have got anything to do with it, we are probably in for some not so nice weather (mind you as long as it is dry we can deal with most things). The airports willa shut, trains will not run because the rails are Icy, cold or some such other excuse. The roads will be impassable because of a lack of salt, gritters or statutory rest breaks by the Ministry of Stupidity.
The temperatures will drop to minus figures, getting rid of evil viruses such as no norovirus et al plaguing our little independent nation at the present moment, shops will run short of supplies as people stock up for the great disaster they are expecting and children will love the white stuff if they are lucky enough to get it.
Enjoy it people, be happy in a glorious winters' day that we will shortly experience, spring will be heading our way soon enough and the beauty that it promises will soon enough be here; already here we have golden daffodils to cheer up these dark days.
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