14 October 2012

Long Walk

Today was the day for a long walk with the boys, the sun was shining but the wind is cold...

I needed time to think over a decision, and once made, it was set in stone.

I have told the ex he has to move everything out from the garage that belongs to him.... he will have to find storage over at his new location, and I am closing the door with regret.

Why regret? you can't help but think it should have worked, but I knew last christmas that it was drawing to a close, his card to me was simply dear partner.... I could have cried, no more the card to the one I love or my fiance.. I was relegated to partner and from then on in it was downhill to the final exit as by then he had met the one he was planning to be with.

I wished I had tackled it sooner, to have forced an answer out of him, but whenever I had tried to do it in the past he had turned it back to me with 'you are imagining it' so perhaps it was better the way it ended with someone else finding out about the other woman and throwing her out which left her free to be with him.

I no longer feel angry with him, nor with her either. Just sad that after four years I still never really knew him nor think I ever will understand him.

In the meantime, I have my three boys, a good job and live in a lovely part of the world and some very, very good friends who make me laugh, support me, teach me how to cast on thumbwise and cableknit... I don't plan on going anywhere fast and am enjoying being single again, possibly forever now; but I don't know what the future holds, nor would I want to, somethings are best left to explore.


dickiebo said...

very, very good friends who make me laugh, support me, teach me how to cast on thumbwise and cableknit.
Sorry, Dear, but I can only remember 'One Plain, One Pearl'!!!!!!! Or summat like that. lol

annettesblog said...

I am very sorry that things did not work out how you hoped,but yes, I am so glad you have such good friends.

Kathy G said...

Sounds like your walk was fruitful, even if the result you came to was bittersweet.

Sage said...

@dickiebo, knit 1, purl 1 is all you need trust me lol

@annette, there were positive times during those 4 years but yes I too am sorry it didn't work out.. not for the want of trying but you both have to be committed to each other and I wanted what my parents had which was almost 40 years of marriage.. tinted glasses took a bit of a battering this time

@Kathy G, it has been a long time, he left early February, so had to draw a line underneath it somewhere. He has a new life, he should have all his stuff too. The clothes he took, but this is the bike, trailer and the rest of his stuff which is cluttering up my life and isn't healthy to hang on to

dickiebo said...

That's the nicest way I've ever had a spelling mistake corrected! (Had a feeling it was a 'u'!)

Anonymous said...

I'm really sorry it didn't work out, and so glad you've got a great support network. At least you'll always know you tried your hardest. I really admire your courage, and the way you see the positive things around you and appreciate them!