Saturday Satire : The Drunk

In the USA the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch just after midnight one Friday. 

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County Courthouse (Georgia), Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, gross indecency and public intoxication. 

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, when he decided to stop, "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no-one around for miles, or so I thought there was no-one around," he stated in a telephone interview.
 
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with obvious embarrassment.
 
In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.
 
"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure, "said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."
 
Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are having sex with a pumpkin?"
 
He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said..... "A pumpkin? S H I T..... Is it midnight already?"