Saturday Satire : The Baby Doctor

A woman carried a baby (who wouldn't stop crying) into the paediatrician's office.

She was shown into a room to wait for the doctor.

When he arrived, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, Is he breast fed or on the bottle?'

'Breast fed' she replied. 'Well, strip to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk.'

'Naturally,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came.'

Positive Thought for Today

Random Thoughts

Thinking back over 2011, which is always fascinating.. and flew by so quickly that it has gone before I have realised it is almost 2012.

We started off 2011 with some extremely cold weather, and some 6 inches of snow which although was pretty was not ideal driving conditions. February was cold, dark and very wet while March wasn't much better.. Jasper joined us at the end of March and has settled down lovely; April was lovely weather, mild and unseasonable with the delights of the royal wedding on the 29th - can't believe that was 8 months ago. May was wayward with the weather, some days hot and sunny others cold and windy... while June was better at the beginning than the end.. something to do with the school holidays. July was wet, wet, wet and August was redeemed at the end with a batch of lovely hot weather just after schools went back. September was warm, dry and lovely, with October proving to be a gloriously autumnal dry and warm month with November carrying on the theme only having windy and stormy times towards the beginning of december... so my year has been on the whole mild and enjoyable so what 2012 will bring I am not sure.

According to the papers, this is the last year as it when the mayan calendar ends on 21/12/2012... now my thoughts are that it could just be because they thought that would be far enough to calculate but who knows... apparently many people are arranging parties for the date to enjoy a last fling before the following day arrives :-)

Traditional - Goosed for Christmas

Last night we finished the christmas goose, it was lovely but we probably won't be having it again in the near future. The last goose I had was when mum was still alive, and she and dad arranged to have a goose from a close friend. What mum didn't know was that this particular goose had been hatched at the back of beyond along with some fellow siblings but when they grew bigger, they along with momma and poppa goose went to live with the friend who had a farm and therefore plenty of space.

If you have never had goose, they are full of dark and succulent meat, just think a bigger version of a duck.. almost so big that some manipulation had been necessary to even get the damn thing in the oven and I was stupid enough to get up at 5.30am to turn the oven on and force it into the confined space.. The pond boys thought this was a treat for them and were sadly mistaken - although they have had more than their fair share of the meat skin.

Served with goose fat roasted potatoes, the infamously bad tasting brussel sprouts (not for me thanks) and carrots/peas with some lovely gravy to die for it was a glorious finish for this bird.

Roddas Cup

When I looked up the fixtures, this game was originally planned for today, the official boxing day as yesterday was supposed to be in place of Christmas Day - so I missed it :-(  Someone in the meantime had updated it to give the correct date, but not in time for me to notice it.

Reds pick up the Roddas Cup despite a big performance from Town. Redruth came out the gate with all guns blazing and dominated the first quarter going into a 12 point lead which Town never recovered from. That said the home side certainly had the better of the second half and a neutral would not have thought there were two leagues between the sides.

The bumper 1700+ crowd could not have asked for more commitment or effort from the amateur players of Camborne as they took the game to the opposition to the opposition in the 2nd period.

Although defeated for the first time at home in 10 months Coach John Griffiths will take a lot of positives from this performance when Town return to league action in the New Year.


I love watching the derby game between  Redruth and Camborne and this is the first year I have missed out on watching it.

Boxing Day Thoughts and origins

In the UK, it was a custom for tradesmen to collect "Christmas boxes" of money or presents on the first weekday after Christmas as thanks for good service throughout the year. This is mentioned in Samuel Pepys' diary entry for 19 December 1663; This custom is linked to an older English tradition: in exchange for ensuring that wealthy landowners' Christmases ran smoothly, their servants were allowed to take the 26th off to visit their families. The employers gave each servant a box containing gifts and bonuses (and sometimes leftover food).

It was tradition, for the hunts to meet on Boxing Day, though more for the social scene than for hunting vermin such as foxes (go on tell me they are not vermin!) as many of them were still very hung over from the christmas feast which was often of an evening which meant that staff could enjoy a christmas lunch of festivities before serving up the lords and masters of an evening.. so how many of us enjoyed a christmas lunch? hands up if you did.. I know I did.

Nadelik lowen ha blydhen nowydh da

Just as it says

Happy Christmas and a Good New Year to you all

Wishing you peace, joy and prosperity xx

Saturday Satire : Men's Logic

This is a story which is perfectly logical to men.

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy me a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six."

A short time later the man comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

Icing on the cake

Yep, just that.. yesterday's task was to ice the cake. The marzipan was on and dried, topped with fondant icing and then some royal icing on top with some silvered stars and christmas trees, red poinsietta flowers and green holly leaves.. I have got some photos just haven't loaded them up yet.

I also made two lots of sweet pastry for the mince pies which I have yet to bake but all is ready.

The last few things brought, for the christmas meal... which this year is to be goose haven't had one of those since mum was still alive so over 20 years ago but I am sure I will like it.

A Kind Gesture

We are in contact with Jasper's former owner, and it is clear that she misses him badly - I would too if I had to give either of them up for any reason. She kindly sent a picture of him aged 8 weeks... be prepared to go awwwww lol

We don't have any baby pictures of Murphy, though we do know who his Dad is (and he is a Camborne Boy) so this is a picture of one of his other puppies.. and looks similar to how we think Murphy would have been at the same age.

Shortest Day Arrives

Always a relief to reach this point, as now we can start the long tilt back towards the sun.

In the mean time, take a look at this :


Christmas Card

Merry Christmas to everyone, may you be blessed with peace, joy and harmony throughout the festive season

Love

Army Brats Poem

The way I see it, I didn’t choose …. I was made this way (sorry about the length..lol)

It’s been hard it’s been twisted and so full of strife, the path we have walked through this abstracted life.
Without roots or firm purchase we could not become trees, travelling the world like a killer disease.
I say like a killer ….for dangerous we were , only the foolish chose our wrath to incur.
It made us all solid when faced with a threat , it’s one of those things I’ll never forget .

We all had our moments, I’m sure we’ll remember … the tears when you hear “We move in September”,
For some in those moments they were tears of joy , “..finally, away from that girl(or that boy )”
A new house, fresh adventures and places to find , but always you know in the back of your mind…
You love it here. you have friends …. so much fun ,“…but I wanna stay here!” you scream at your mum.

But you’re just a small cog, not even a wheel, the forces …the world, doesn’t care how you feel,
So following your duty just doing as you’re told, with toys and your ski suit your pj’s you fold.
Packed up in your room box, no secrets could hide.. for mum and dad packing would sure look inside.
So to meaningless objects, and to those who you know you’d say your good byes … then bin as you go.

We all know it’s hard we all had to do it, some more than others .. yet some hardly knew it.
And then we met civvies.. that unusual breed, so varied and random like chickens at feed.
They crow and they bluster and scratch at the floor, and think that you’re weak when you walk out the door.
For they know not the fury.. we all hold inside, held back with respect in a mental divide.

See life didn’t just train us to be self assured , as singles we’re dangerous ,more random ,more bored.
We see civvie street’s broken in so many places, chocked full of people with all the same faces.
We see them all day wherever we live, bent cops and the dealers ,the chavs and the divs.
If you are like me and have developed the same… It’s like being a camera.. watching a game….

So like a French movie’s crap, and predictable ending… our way of life we’ve no way of defending,
For scattered we were when the Forces were finished , their argument over.. the threat was diminished.
So sentenced to England for our crime of pride , like sleepers we spread thru the civvies to hide.
Our struggles ignored we adapted like normal , except this place had snobs.. who treat things so formal.

Don’t know about you ,but I find I must say , “ask” me for anything… and I’ll help you all day.
But get yourself lordy .. give me a command.. then problems you’ll find you have on your hands,
For orders I took when I was so little, have left me quite delicate.. in fact… fairly brittle ..
Now I’m a big kid, you have no more hold, and really… I’m through.. with doing as I’m told.

For I am a pads brat a thing known to few, and if you’re reading this far… I’ll presume you’re one too.
So if in your day you come up against shite, or that little twat in the dead of the night.
Your manager , your workmate ,whoever annoys .. Take just one small moment ,to remember your toys.
Cos going thru our lives we just got to know it , annoy me enough ……and here.??… “I‘ll just throw it”.

For that is our way .. of change we‘re not frightened , sometimes it’s better when problems are lightened,
So if you’re like me and you are proud of your past ,then may this group help you, and long may it last.
Over this season when out drinking beer, raise your glass up and let out a cheer
Do it when drunk… in well crowded places, then watch for reactions on all others faces ..

Most will just stare .. Others will blink… but the ones that we want… will smile, toast and wink ..

So raise up those glass’s and chant it out loud ,… we are best of British… “PADS BRAT AND PROUD!!!”
 

Testing.. Testing...

Early this morning, Santa Clause formed up on Hanukkah Harry and his crew over B...affin island.

 

The operational altitude and cruise speed test flight was a complete success.

 

Elf maintainers feel confident that the sled will be within full operational parameters for next weeks round the world flight.

 

Minor on board Oxygen generation system issues continue to occur on the new sled, but it is expected that this issue will be resolved in time for the Christmas deployment.

 

 

Solomon Browne

The Penlee Lifeboat Tragedy 19th December 1981

'Twas a fearsome day that boded nothing well
At Penlee lifeboat station the most gigantic swell
Cascaded above the jetty, the coxswain could foretell
There'd be sailors in peril today, when rang the warning bell.
“Alert your crew!” the message said to background clap of thunder 
“The Union Star is on the rocks and looks like going under!” 
He summoned those men whose job it was to bend their wills to save her 
Those brave few souls at his command he'd never known to waver 
From nearby town and all around they responded to the call 
Their personal concerns at once laid down for duty one and all. 
Some arising took leave of wives or abandoned a morning kipper 
No matter the unsocial hour when summoned by your skipper 
They assembled at the Solomon Browne each garbed in a sou'wester 
Disheartened by the darkening storm they knew this would be a tester. 
With resolute hearts they launched their boat upon their worthy mission 
To save some strangers come what may in RNLI tradition 
Some shouts were less daunting than others and this one shouted: “bad!” 
Eight brave hearted gentlemen could not foresee an ending so, so sad. 
The Solomon Browne of some renown had sailed to her final call-out 
The entire complement of those on board would suffer the tragic fall-out 
No more to run those cobbled Cornwall lanes like pilots on a scramble 
They drew short straws from Nature's claws and lost their noble gamble. 
With a redoubtable record of saving lives they could not at the last their own 
As the rescued company clambered aboard all their chances had been blown 
The craft was to founder on the rocks and vanish in typhoon-like weather 
But is still revered to this very day for those lifeboat men's endeavour. 

By Frank E Gibbard London, England 2006 
R.I.P To All The Crew of THE SOLOMON BROWN True Courage and Sacrifice that will NEVER be forgotten !!!!! 

Makes you more prouder to be CORNISH !!!!

Saturday Satire : Death on Christmas Eve

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Three men men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets, pulling out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man seeing this, quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

Then the last man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'


He replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas season begins......

Revised Christmas Carols with guidance

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.


Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O 'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.


While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around, she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.


Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.


Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey, on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards, with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

HI

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels’ hooves.


Away in a Manger

Away in a manger
no crib for a bed - Social Services???????

Saw this and thought of you

Eleven Days to go... and counting

True Story of Rudolph

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.

Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums.

Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined a make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was.. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there.

The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.

In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there either.

Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.

* MERRY CHRISTMAS *

Robinson Crusoe and the Cornish Pirates arrrgh!!!

SOH and I went to the panto last night, the rain poured down, we were both soaked by the time we reached Hall for Cornwall and we only had to walk from Haven House!

We had seats in the balcony, and when the show started we had a great view of the action. Singing, Dancing, Ditties and the traditional sing-along of the audience were all in the package. Some great witty lines, particularly with the female lead who was called Polly (ester, cotton, styrene etc).

My sides ached with laughter, the time went amazingly fast and I only wish I had pictures to show you but photography was not permitted.

My first pantomime, but I am alreadying planning to get tickets for next year which will be Al adin or Aladdin to you all.

I feel very uplifted and christmassy now

The Pogues & Kirsty McColl Fairytale Of New York

Nativity

There will not be a manger scene in the Houses of Parliament this year ....

Not because of any religious grounds ...

but because they can not find 3 Wise men ...

Nothing like a stable .....

and too many asses .....

Saturday Satire : A brief history of medicine

I have an earache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Here we are

Nearly a third of the way through December, and only a moment ago it was Springtime! Where did the year go?

OK, I will admit to being busy, but things I have failed to do are :

Get out on the bike more
Finish the christmas stockings
Make up the christmas waistcoat
Finish the long hexies lap quilt
Finish the lilac scarf

What I have succeeded in doing :

Working on the PGCE - 5 assignments completed, 3 to go
Endless amounts of paperwork to go with the PGCE and the mountain is still there!
More walking - having the dogs helps
Taking some lovely walks on Carn Marth, just want to walk the great lode now
Taking some great pictures of the Pond Boys


Not a total loss then, this year...

A day for watching from the inside

Dogs walked, I headed out to a continental shop (or two) to get something for christmas. I love lebkuchen, and the variety of them in the shops is quite good from chocolate coated, milk or plain, to those with sugar crusting on them.

I also purchased some italian biscotti, as well as a present or two and also something for tea tonight and some staples for the cupboard and freezer.

The weather is deteriorating fast, the storm edging over us, with high winds and misty rain but not as badly as it is up further north.. stay safe people.

Every Woman

Wherever You Are (Military Wives with Gareth Malone) Official Video

Fascinating Picture... wish it was mine

Follow on from Friday

1. The rich have legislated themselves into prosperity.

2. Corporate bosses and executives pay themselves more and more despite doing little or no extra work, whilst the pay of everyone below them falls far behind in spite of working longer hours.

3. Large corporations and bankers have become immensely rich from government subsidies, favourable contracts, privatisations and outright fraud, all of which have to be paid from public money, whilst the public services that the rest of us have to use are getting worse.

4. You can keep yourself wealthy by not sharing it.

5. When bankers, hedge fund managers and financiers get the idea that they can gamble with other peoples' money, and not have to pay the for consequences of their actions when it all goes wrong whilst ordinary people feel that their taxes are being used to 'take care of them' then that is the beginning of the end of western civilisation....

..... but the politicians have already taken this on board, as they and the wealthy are in league to maintain the status quo.

Saturday Satire : The Brother in Law?

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a New York store.

Of course the store clerks, who were trained for such emergencies, called 911 and tended to the man when they saw him collapse. Paramedics soon arrived and rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

After a while, he awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he had been taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a weak and raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.

"I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

At this the nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

"Perfect,” replied the patient, “Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Politicians Please Take Note!

---

Will politicians ever take this on board

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Love on the Transplant List

I watched this programme on BBC3 the other night, moving, it had me in tears hoping and praying that Kirstie would get her transplant.

Suffering from Cystic Fibrosis and aged only 21, she had only 16% lung function and the consultant in charge of her case said that they referred people to the transplant team at 33% so she was well below that. To her sitting in a chair was like us running up stairs, for Kirstie walking along a corridor is like us running a sprint... you could see her struggle for breath and it was hard to watch.

Having said that, it was a very much upbeat programme, and Kirstie was always upbeat, never down, never doubted that she would get her new lungs, and even had her wedding while seriously ill but battling to make it down the aisle. The doctors wanted her to get married in hospital, but Kirstie wasn't going to settle for second best and it brought a tear to my eye to watch her walk down the aisle with her family to marry the man she loved.

The end of the programme was just sheer joy, after two disappointments, she received a new set of lungs and the improvement immediatly was obvious. Yes, it was sad for the donor and their family, but the gift of the lungs gave Kirstie back her life and she will make every moment count I am sure of it..

I have made my views clear to my family, after I die, anything that can be used to help someone else should and could be used... my personality, my soul will no longer require my earthly body and if like Kirstie someone can benefit then I hope they will with my blessing.