Increasingly I have felt as though I am the title of this post, a square peg in a round hole. What used to be a challenging and exciting job is now terrifyingly dull. It isn't helped by the changes orchestrated by the University, and the department, and while I have always been adaptable to change I am increasingly finding that there is no method of madness involved. I come in to work, I do my job and I go home.
I attended a meeting yesterday, where I tried to put my point of view over saying how I perceived things to be, only to be asked that what had I done to try and remedy things. I outlined some of the conversations I had taken part in, and those people were there at the same meeting; it was no surprise to encounter the total lack of support I have felt for over 18 months.
The team meetings attend provide a chance for individuals to say what they have done, but the concept of team doesn't exist only individuals and as for the departmental team building days, this year was cancelled due to lack of funding (and enthusiasm), they were a waste of time, after the day nothing had changed, no opportunities to work closely with other groups offered and all that happened was that we had a day out of the office in the sunshine if we were lucky.
When I left school at the grand old age of 16 I had no idea of what I wanted to do (well I did but I kept changing my mind), I was given two choices, either go to college or get a job.
My first job was at a factory making transformers, we had a set amount of work to achieve and in a set amount of hours and you were given a period of time before you had to start meeting your targets or face the wrath of the supervisor.
I lasted three years, worn out at the age of 19 by the sheer ugliness of the job. Yes you could have a laugh with the other girls, but the machines were a little noisy, you could listen to the radio when it was permitted to be on but it was soul destroying there was no opportunity to advance in skills or expertise and right now I feel as though I felt when I was 19 which is a square peg in a round hole.
Now like then, I know there is an opportunity out there and although I am not certain that the ground under my feet is firm I am going to be reaching out for it and taking the risk along with it because the excitement and challenge is better than playing safe