Wise Herb's Random Jottings

Saturday Satire : The Girlfriend

2012-01-07T06:00:00.000Z

After a long night of making love to his new girlfriend, Arthur notices a photo of a man on her bedside table.

At first, he really didn't give it much thought; she had never mentioned it so why should he. But after a month or so he begins to stress about it; even imagining the photo is staring at him doing the deed. It was causing him so much anxiety that he finally decides ask about it.

"Is this your ex-husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Another boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery.

..and back to work I go

2012-01-03T10:23:00.000Z

Yee gods caruthers the wind blows hard down 'ere at times.

I dressed the dogs up, in their hi-vis jackets, leads, and collars but I pulled on a dark old coat with as much wet proofing ability as paper but we all got soaked in the driving rain and gales which has hist cornwall.

Yet as I look out from the classroom, I can see blue skies so hopefully the worst of the wind has passed by.. it remains to be seen what damage has been caused as it was black when I left home this morning.

New Years Day at Gwithian

2012-01-02T15:48:00.001Z

Yesterday was lovely, between the showers, so we took the Pond Boys down to Gwithian Beach to have a run and get the kinks out. Not to mention, tire the little s**s out so we could enjoy a peaceful New Years Day.

I would have had some pictures, but someone thought that it would be too wet to take the camera, so you will just have to take my word for it that the boys enjoyed themselves.

What was so funny was after a longish run on the dunes chasing tennis balls they spotted the pond where they swim and shot off towards it.. it was lovely to watch them enjoying themselves in the water it was just like having excited small anklesnappers seeing the fun through their eyes.

Dinner was a lovely lamb shoulder, roasted slowly with garlic and will make a final reappearance tonight as shepherds pie topped with creamy mashed potato and will be served with peas mmmm

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-01T00:01:00.000Z

2011 was a mixed bag for me. Lots of friends that were made in 2010 were soon lost, and then forgotten. In the wake of that, a lot of good friendships were borne, and from small acorns those friendships have become strengthened.

I still have friends from 2010 who I hope will stay as friends, even though we are not in daily contact. To everyone on my bloglist today, I hope you have a wonderful day, with no hangovers, and Pray that 2012 will bring you luck and happiness

Saturday Satire : The Baby Doctor

2011-12-31T06:00:00.000Z

A woman carried a baby (who wouldn't stop crying) into the paediatrician's office.

She was shown into a room to wait for the doctor.

When he arrived, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, Is he breast fed or on the bottle?'

'Breast fed' she replied. 'Well, strip to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed he said, 'No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk.'

'Naturally,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came.'

Positive Thought for Today

2011-12-30T13:17:00.000Z

Random Thoughts

2011-12-29T11:40:00.001Z

Thinking back over 2011, which is always fascinating.. and flew by so quickly that it has gone before I have realised it is almost 2012.

We started off 2011 with some extremely cold weather, and some 6 inches of snow which although was pretty was not ideal driving conditions. February was cold, dark and very wet while March wasn't much better.. Jasper joined us at the end of March and has settled down lovely; April was lovely weather, mild and unseasonable with the delights of the royal wedding on the 29th - can't believe that was 8 months ago. May was wayward with the weather, some days hot and sunny others cold and windy... while June was better at the beginning than the end.. something to do with the school holidays. July was wet, wet, wet and August was redeemed at the end with a batch of lovely hot weather just after schools went back. September was warm, dry and lovely, with October proving to be a gloriously autumnal dry and warm month with November carrying on the theme only having windy and stormy times towards the beginning of december... so my year has been on the whole mild and enjoyable so what 2012 will bring I am not sure.

According to the papers, this is the last year as it when the mayan calendar ends on 21/12/2012... now my thoughts are that it could just be because they thought that would be far enough to calculate but who knows... apparently many people are arranging parties for the date to enjoy a last fling before the following day arrives :-)

Traditional - Goosed for Christmas

2011-12-28T11:14:00.000Z

Last night we finished the christmas goose, it was lovely but we probably won't be having it again in the near future. The last goose I had was when mum was still alive, and she and dad arranged to have a goose from a close friend. What mum didn't know was that this particular goose had been hatched at the back of beyond along with some fellow siblings but when they grew bigger, they along with momma and poppa goose went to live with the friend who had a farm and therefore plenty of space.

If you have never had goose, they are full of dark and succulent meat, just think a bigger version of a duck.. almost so big that some manipulation had been necessary to even get the ~~damn~~ thing in the oven and I was stupid enough to get up at 5.30am to turn the oven on and force it into the confined space.. The pond boys thought this was a treat for them and were sadly mistaken - although they have had more than their fair share of the ~~meat~~ skin.

Served with goose fat roasted potatoes, the infamously bad tasting brussel sprouts (not for me thanks) and carrots/peas with some lovely gravy to die for it was a glorious finish for this bird.

Roddas Cup

2011-12-27T12:36:00.002Z

When I looked up the fixtures, this game was originally planned for today, the official boxing day as yesterday was supposed to be in place of Christmas Day - so I missed it :-( Someone in the meantime had updated it to give the correct date, but not in time for me to notice it.

Reds pick up the Roddas Cup despite a big performance from Town. Redruth came out the gate with all guns blazing and dominated the first quarter going into a 12 point lead which Town never recovered from. That said the home side certainly had the better of the second half and a neutral would not have thought there were two leagues between the sides.

The bumper 1700+ crowd could not have asked for more commitment or effort from the amateur players of Camborne as they took the game to the opposition to the opposition in the 2nd period.

Although defeated for the first time at home in 10 months Coach John Griffiths will take a lot of positives from this performance when Town return to league action in the New Year.

I love watching the derby game between Redruth and Camborne and this is the first year I have missed out on watching it.

Boxing Day Thoughts and origins

2011-12-26T12:17:00.000Z

In the UK, it was a custom for tradesmen to collect "Christmas boxes" of money or presents on the first weekday after Christmas as thanks for good service throughout the year. This is mentioned in Samuel Pepys' diary entry for 19 December 1663; This custom is linked to an older English tradition: in exchange for ensuring that wealthy landowners' Christmases ran smoothly, their servants were allowed to take the 26th off to visit their families. The employers gave each servant a box containing gifts and bonuses (and sometimes leftover food).

It was tradition, for the hunts to meet on Boxing Day, though more for the social scene than for hunting vermin such as foxes (go on tell me they are not vermin!) as many of them were still very hung over from the christmas feast which was often of an evening which meant that staff could enjoy a christmas lunch of festivities before serving up the lords and masters of an evening.. so how many of us enjoyed a christmas lunch? hands up if you did.. I know I did.

Nadelik lowen ha blydhen nowydh da

2011-12-24T10:16:00.002Z

Just as it says

Happy Christmas and a Good New Year to you all

Wishing you peace, joy and prosperity xx

Saturday Satire : Men's Logic

2011-12-24T10:06:00.002Z

This is a story which is perfectly logical to men.

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy me a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get six."

A short time later the man comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy six cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had eggs."

Icing on the cake

2011-12-23T12:58:00.001Z

Yep, just that.. yesterday's task was to ice the cake. The marzipan was on and dried, topped with fondant icing and then some royal icing on top with some silvered stars and christmas trees, red poinsietta flowers and green holly leaves.. I have got some photos just haven't loaded them up yet.

I also made two lots of sweet pastry for the mince pies which I have yet to bake but all is ready.

The last few things brought, for the christmas meal... which this year is to be goose haven't had one of those since mum was still alive so over 20 years ago but I am sure I will like it.

A Kind Gesture

2011-12-22T08:21:00.000Z

We are in contact with Jasper's former owner, and it is clear that she misses him badly - I would too if I had to give either of them up for any reason. She kindly sent a picture of him aged 8 weeks... be prepared to go awwwww lol

We don't have any baby pictures of Murphy, though we do know who his Dad is (and he is a Camborne Boy) so this is a picture of one of his other puppies.. and looks similar to how we think Murphy would have been at the same age.

Shortest Day Arrives

2011-12-21T18:33:00.000Z

Always a relief to reach this point, as now we can start the long tilt back towards the sun.

In the mean time, take a look at this :

Christmas Card

Merry Christmas to everyone, may you be blessed with peace, joy and harmony throughout the festive season

Love

Army Brats Poem

2011-12-20T08:52:00.001Z

The way I see it, I didn’t choose …. I was made this way (sorry about the length..lol)

It’s been hard it’s been twisted and so full of strife, the path we have walked through this abstracted life.
Without roots or firm purchase we could not become trees, travelling the world like a killer disease.
I say like a killer ….for dangerous we were , only the foolish chose our wrath to incur.
It made us all solid when faced with a threat , it’s one of those things I’ll never forget .

We all had our moments, I’m sure we’ll remember … the tears when you hear “We move in September”,
For some in those moments they were tears of joy , “..finally, away from that girl(or that boy )”
A new house, fresh adventures and places to find , but always you know in the back of your mind…
You love it here. you have friends …. so much fun ,“…but I wanna stay here!” you scream at your mum.

But you’re just a small cog, not even a wheel, the forces …the world, doesn’t care how you feel,
So following your duty just doing as you’re told, with toys and your ski suit your pj’s you fold.
Packed up in your room box, no secrets could hide.. for mum and dad packing would sure look inside.
So to meaningless objects, and to those who you know you’d say your good byes … then bin as you go.

We all know it’s hard we all had to do it, some more than others .. yet some hardly knew it.
And then we met civvies.. that unusual breed, so varied and random like chickens at feed.
They crow and they bluster and scratch at the floor, and think that you’re weak when you walk out the door.
For they know not the fury.. we all hold inside, held back with respect in a mental divide.

See life didn’t just train us to be self assured , as singles we’re dangerous ,more random ,more bored.
We see civvie street’s broken in so many places, chocked full of people with all the same faces.
We see them all day wherever we live, bent cops and the dealers ,the chavs and the divs.
If you are like me and have developed the same… It’s like being a camera.. watching a game….

So like a French movie’s crap, and predictable ending… our way of life we’ve no way of defending,
For scattered we were when the Forces were finished , their argument over.. the threat was diminished.
So sentenced to England for our crime of pride , like sleepers we spread thru the civvies to hide.
Our struggles ignored we adapted like normal , except this place had snobs.. who treat things so formal.

Don’t know about you ,but I find I must say , “ask” me for anything… and I’ll help you all day.
But get yourself lordy .. give me a command.. then problems you’ll find you have on your hands,
For orders I took when I was so little, have left me quite delicate.. in fact… fairly brittle ..
Now I’m a big kid, you have no more hold, and really… I’m through.. with doing as I’m told.

For I am a pads brat a thing known to few, and if you’re reading this far… I’ll presume you’re one too.
So if in your day you come up against shite, or that little twat in the dead of the night.
Your manager , your workmate ,whoever annoys .. Take just one small moment ,to remember your toys.
Cos going thru our lives we just got to know it , annoy me enough ……and here.??… “I‘ll just throw it”.

For that is our way .. of change we‘re not frightened , sometimes it’s better when problems are lightened,
So if you’re like me and you are proud of your past ,then may this group help you, and long may it last.
Over this season when out drinking beer, raise your glass up and let out a cheer
Do it when drunk… in well crowded places, then watch for reactions on all others faces ..

Most will just stare .. Others will blink… but the ones that we want… will smile, toast and wink ..

So raise up those glass’s and chant it out loud ,… we are best of British… “PADS BRAT AND PROUD!!!”

Testing.. Testing...

2011-12-19T10:32:00.002Z

Early this morning, Santa Clause formed up on Hanukkah Harry and his crew over B...affin island.

The operational altitude and cruise speed test flight was a complete success.

Elf maintainers feel confident that the sled will be within full operational parameters for next weeks round the world flight.

Minor on board Oxygen generation system issues continue to occur on the new sled, but it is expected that this issue will be resolved in time for the Christmas deployment.

Solomon Browne

2011-12-18T12:00:00.000Z

The Penlee Lifeboat Tragedy 19th December 1981

'Twas a fearsome day that boded nothing well
At Penlee lifeboat station the most gigantic swell
Cascaded above the jetty, the coxswain could foretell
There'd be sailors in peril today, when rang the warning bell.
“Alert your crew!” the message said to background clap of thunder
“The Union Star is on the rocks and looks like going under!”
He summoned those men whose job it was to bend their wills to save her
Those brave few souls at his command he'd never known to waver
From nearby town and all around they responded to the call
Their personal concerns at once laid down for duty one and all.
Some arising took leave of wives or abandoned a morning kipper
No matter the unsocial hour when summoned by your skipper
They assembled at the Solomon Browne each garbed in a sou'wester
Disheartened by the darkening storm they knew this would be a tester.
With resolute hearts they launched their boat upon their worthy mission
To save some strangers come what may in RNLI tradition
Some shouts were less daunting than others and this one shouted: “bad!”
Eight brave hearted gentlemen could not foresee an ending so, so sad.
The Solomon Browne of some renown had sailed to her final call-out
The entire complement of those on board would suffer the tragic fall-out
No more to run those cobbled Cornwall lanes like pilots on a scramble
They drew short straws from Nature's claws and lost their noble gamble.
With a redoubtable record of saving lives they could not at the last their own
As the rescued company clambered aboard all their chances had been blown
The craft was to founder on the rocks and vanish in typhoon-like weather
But is still revered to this very day for those lifeboat men's endeavour.

By Frank E Gibbard London, England 2006
R.I.P To All The Crew of THE SOLOMON BROWN True Courage and Sacrifice that will NEVER be forgotten !!!!!

Makes you more prouder to be CORNISH !!!!

Saturday Satire : Death on Christmas Eve

2011-12-17T06:03:00.000Z

Three men men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets, pulling out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

The second man seeing this, quickly reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

Then the last man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

He replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas season begins......

Revised Christmas Carols with guidance

2011-12-16T07:00:00.000Z

Little Jesus, sweetly sleep, do not stir;
We will lend a coat of fur,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you,
We will rock you, rock you, rock you:

Fur is no longer appropriate wear for small infants, both due to risk of allergy to animal fur, and for ethical reasons. Therefore faux fur, a nice cellular blanket or perhaps micro-fleece material should be considered a suitable alternative.

Please note, only persons who have been subject to a Criminal Records Bureau check and have enhanced clearance will be permitted to rock baby Jesus. Persons must carry their CRB disclosure with them at all times and be prepared to provide three forms of identification before rocking commences.

Jingle Bells

Dashing through the snow
In a one horse open sleigh
O 'er the fields we go
Laughing all the way

A risk assessment must be submitted before an open sleigh is considered safe for members of the public to travel on. The risk assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly if passengers are of larger proportions. Please note, permission must be gained from landowners before entering their fields. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

While Shepherds Watched

While shepherds watched
Their flocks by night
All seated on the ground
The angel of the Lord came down
And glory shone around

The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches health and safety regulations to insist that shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided, therefore benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available. Shepherds have also requested that due to the inclement weather conditions at this time of year that they should watch their flocks via CCTV cameras from centrally heated shepherd observation huts.
Please note, the angel of the lord is reminded that before shining his/her glory all around, she/he must ascertain that all shepherds have been issued with glasses capable of filtering out the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and Glory.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw him,
you would even say it glows.

You are advised that under the Equal Opportunities for All policy, it is inappropriate for persons to make comment with regard to the ruddiness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from the Reindeer Games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence. A full investigation will be implemented and sanctions - including suspension on full pay - will be considered whilst this investigation takes place.

Little Donkey

Little donkey, little donkey, on the dusty road
Got to keep on plodding onwards, with your precious load

The RSPCA have issued strict guidelines with regard to how heavy a load that a donkey of small stature is permitted to carry, also included in the guidelines is guidance regarding how often to feed the donkey and how many rest breaks are required over a four hour plodding period. Please note that due to the increased risk of pollution from the dusty road, Mary and Joseph are required to wear face masks to prevent inhalation of any airborne particles. The donkey has expressed his discomfort at being labelled 'little' and would prefer just to be simply referred to as Mr. Donkey. To comment upon his height or lack thereof may be considered an infringement of his equine rights.

HI

We Three Kings

We three kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star

Whilst the gift of gold is still considered acceptable - as it may be redeemed at a later date through such organisations as 'cash for gold' etc, gifts of frankincense and myrrh are not appropriate due to the potential risk of oils and fragrances causing allergic reactions. A suggested gift alternative would be to make a donation to a worthy cause in the recipient’s name or perhaps give a gift voucher.

We would not advise that the traversing kings rely on navigation by stars in order to reach their destinations and suggest the use of RAC routefinder or satellite navigation, which will provide the quickest route and advice regarding fuel consumption. Please note as per the guidelines from the RSPCA for Mr Donkey, the camels carrying the three kings of Orient will require regular food and rest breaks. Facemasks for the three kings are also advisable due to the likelihood of dust from the camels’ hooves.

Away in a Manger

Away in a manger
no crib for a bed - Social Services???????

Saw this and thought of you

2011-12-15T08:43:00.000Z

Eleven Days to go... and counting

2011-12-14T08:11:00.000Z

True Story of Rudolph

A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.

Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums.

Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined a make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was.. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there.

The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.

In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there either.

Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."

The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.

* MERRY CHRISTMAS *

Robinson Crusoe and the Cornish Pirates arrrgh!!!

2011-12-13T08:22:00.000Z

SOH and I went to the panto last night, the rain poured down, we were both soaked by the time we reached Hall for Cornwall and we only had to walk from Haven House!

We had seats in the balcony, and when the show started we had a great view of the action. Singing, Dancing, Ditties and the traditional sing-along of the audience were all in the package. Some great witty lines, particularly with the female lead who was called Polly (ester, cotton, styrene etc).

My sides ached with laughter, the time went amazingly fast and I only wish I had pictures to show you but photography was not permitted.

My first pantomime, but I am alreadying planning to get tickets for next year which will be Al adin or Aladdin to you all.

I feel very uplifted and christmassy now

The Pogues & Kirsty McColl Fairytale Of New York

2011-12-12T06:41:00.000Z

Nativity

2011-12-11T07:00:00.000Z

There will not be a manger scene in the Houses of Parliament this year ....

Not because of any religious grounds ...

but because they can not find 3 Wise men ...

Nothing like a stable .....

and too many asses .....

Saturday Satire : A brief history of medicine

2011-12-10T08:00:00.000Z

I have an earache.

2000 B.C. - Here, eat this root

1000 A.D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer.

1850 A.D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.

1940 A.D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.

1985 A.D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.

2000 A.D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

Here we are

2011-12-09T13:30:00.000Z

Nearly a third of the way through December, and only a moment ago it was Springtime! Where did the year go?

OK, I will admit to being busy, but things I have failed to do are :

Get out on the bike more
Finish the christmas stockings
Make up the christmas waistcoat
Finish the long hexies lap quilt
Finish the lilac scarf

What I have succeeded in doing :

Working on the PGCE - 5 assignments completed, 3 to go
Endless amounts of paperwork to go with the PGCE and the mountain is still there!
More walking - having the dogs helps
Taking some lovely walks on Carn Marth, just want to walk the great lode now
Taking some great pictures of the Pond Boys

Not a total loss then, this year...

A day for watching from the inside

2011-12-08T10:32:00.000Z

Dogs walked, I headed out to a continental shop (or two) to get something for christmas. I love lebkuchen, and the variety of them in the shops is quite good from chocolate coated, milk or plain, to those with sugar crusting on them.

I also purchased some italian biscotti, as well as a present or two and also something for tea tonight and some staples for the cupboard and freezer.

The weather is deteriorating fast, the storm edging over us, with high winds and misty rain but not as badly as it is up further north.. stay safe people.

Every Woman

2011-12-07T08:42:00.000Z

Wherever You Are (Military Wives with Gareth Malone) Official Video

2011-12-06T18:47:00.000Z

Fascinating Picture... wish it was mine

2011-12-05T06:30:00.000Z

Follow on from Friday

2011-12-04T05:44:00.000Z

1. The rich have legislated themselves into prosperity.

2. Corporate bosses and executives pay themselves more and more despite doing little or no extra work, whilst the pay of everyone below them falls far behind in spite of working longer hours.

3. Large corporations and bankers have become immensely rich from government subsidies, favourable contracts, privatisations and outright fraud, all of which have to be paid from public money, whilst the public services that the rest of us have to use are getting worse.

4. You can keep yourself wealthy by not sharing it.

5. When bankers, hedge fund managers and financiers get the idea that they can gamble with other peoples' money, and not have to pay the for consequences of their actions when it all goes wrong whilst ordinary people feel that their taxes are being used to 'take care of them' then that is the beginning of the end of western civilisation....

..... but the politicians have already taken this on board, as they and the wealthy are in league to maintain the status quo.

Saturday Satire : The Brother in Law?

2011-12-03T06:00:00.000Z

A man suffered a serious heart attack while shopping in a New York store.

Of course the store clerks, who were trained for such emergencies, called 911 and tended to the man when they saw him collapse. Paramedics soon arrived and rushed the man to the nearest hospital where he had emergency open heart bypass surgery.

After a while, he awakened from the surgery to find himself in the care of nuns at the Catholic Hospital he had been taken to. A nun was seated next to his bed holding a clip board loaded with several forms, and a pen. She asked him how he was going to pay for his treatment.

"Do you have health insurance?" she asked.

He replied in a weak and raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked, "Do you have money in the bank?"

He replied, "No money in the bank."

"Do you have a relative who could help you with the payments?” asked the irritated nun.

"I only have a spinster sister, and she is a nun."

At this the nun became agitated and announced loudly, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

"Perfect,” replied the patient, “Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

Politicians Please Take Note!

2011-12-02T06:59:00.000Z

Will politicians ever take this on board

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the wealthy out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government does not first take from somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it!

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work because somebody else is going to get what they work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation.

Love on the Transplant List

2011-12-01T08:39:00.001Z

I watched this programme on BBC3 the other night, moving, it had me in tears hoping and praying that Kirstie would get her transplant.

Suffering from Cystic Fibrosis and aged only 21, she had only 16% lung function and the consultant in charge of her case said that they referred people to the transplant team at 33% so she was well below that. To her sitting in a chair was like us running up stairs, for Kirstie walking along a corridor is like us running a sprint... you could see her struggle for breath and it was hard to watch.

Having said that, it was a very much upbeat programme, and Kirstie was always upbeat, never down, never doubted that she would get her new lungs, and even had her wedding while seriously ill but battling to make it down the aisle. The doctors wanted her to get married in hospital, but Kirstie wasn't going to settle for second best and it brought a tear to my eye to watch her walk down the aisle with her family to marry the man she loved.

The end of the programme was just sheer joy, after two disappointments, she received a new set of lungs and the improvement immediatly was obvious. Yes, it was sad for the donor and their family, but the gift of the lungs gave Kirstie back her life and she will make every moment count I am sure of it..

I have made my views clear to my family, after I die, anything that can be used to help someone else should and could be used... my personality, my soul will no longer require my earthly body and if like Kirstie someone can benefit then I hope they will with my blessing.

Glee Cast - Little Drummer Boy (Glee Cast Version)

2011-11-29T10:01:00.000Z

A weekend of sport

2011-11-28T09:11:00.000Z

Not content with refereeing on Saturday, SOH decided to do the same on Sunday morning. Luckily the Saturday game was down at Clijah fields so the boys and I walked down to meet up with him at half-time and then walked home again. The weather is dry and mild, which is good, but the boys boredom threshold is even lower than mine. Normally I sit in the car with a good book, or work to do - I have even been known to do some marking!

Sunday, I didn't go with him, instead preferring to get the lunch ready, we don't normally have this at lunchtime, but in the evening but it is nice to have a midday meal.

Interspersed with the football, we have watched last weekend's european rugby action with Bath v Montpellier and the premiership of Northants vs Saracens something we have been lucky enough to be present at when we lived at the back of beyond.

I have in between times, pulled the sofa's out from the wall and hoovered the carpet underneath and moved one round to make room for the christmas tree which won't be too long in going up although one house in a nearby road has had its christmas decorations up for a couple of weeks - too early methinks.

Saturday Satire - Wot a Wupert!

2011-11-26T06:01:00.000Z

An RAF Group Captain was about to start the morning briefing to his staff.

While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Group Captain decided to pose a question to all assembled.

He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much of it was "pleasure?"

A Wing Commander chimed in with 75-25% in favour of work.

A Squadron Leader said it was 50-50%.

A Flight Lieutenant responded with 25-75% in favour of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the Group Captain turned to the Corporal who was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion?

Without any hesitation, the young Corporal responded, "Sir, it has to be 100% pleasure."

The Group Captain was surprised and, as you might guess, asked why?

"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them."

The room fell silent.

God Bless the lower ranks.

I won something!

2011-11-23T13:42:00.001Z

Nope, not the lottery! ::sigh::

Where I work have had some email competitions recently, I am still hoping to win tickets to see the Cornish Pirates at home but as yet have not been lucky.

So when they had an email to win tickets to see Robinson Crusoe and the Cornish Pirates at Hall for Cornwall, I sent in an email with few hopes, but this morning have found out that I have won two tickets to see a Panto and I am absolutely chuffed to bits.

I remember a lot of my childhood, but never going to see a pantomime, and always felt as though I had missed out on something special; so now I am going to have the opportunity.

Sunday Sunshine

2011-11-21T10:49:00.001Z

Yesterday we, in Cornwall, were blessed with sunshine and warmth. Unusually so for a late November day, but we had the windows and doors open, the washing on the line and even enjoyed a cup of coffee on the patio.

So it was somewhat of a surprise to hear how badly the eastern partof the country was affected by thick fog and bad weather so much so that flights were cancelled or delayed at many of the airports.

This time last year we were full of ice, cold, snow and dreadful weather. So much so that road clearing had to take place to get the cars out of the estate. Going home was equally problematic, and filled me with trepidation until I was safely parked and in the house - only to face the same thing the following morning.

The big kid in me wants to have snow, for the pond boys to run around in and run off some of their excess energy. Jasper is the big puppy dog, and full of beans luring Murphy into wild chases and slipping over in the muddy grass but both of them enjoying their walks together and much more calmly now we have halti's on them both.

Jasper has truly settled in at Tre Agan, and Murphy looks after him, ensuring his ears are clean - however this is not reciprocated by Jasper who is a bit of a Kevin at times... the unruly teenager just enduring care not appreciating it.

I don't know if this is true or not, but like it

2011-11-20T09:15:00.000Z

In an Underground station in London

There were protesters on the concourse handing out pamphlets on the evils of Britain. I politely declined to take one.

An elderly woman behind me was getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined.

The young protester put her hand on the woman's shoulder as a gesture ...of friendship and in a very soft voice said, 'Madam, don't you care about the children of Iraq ?'

The elderly woman looked up at her and said, 'My dear, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea and my grandson in Afghanistan. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country.

If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your arse and open it.

......................... God Bless Great Britain (What we have left of it!)

Saturday Satire - The Wise Old Dog

2011-11-19T08:56:00.000Z

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.

I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the Hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.

This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:

'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?

Have you ever been?

2011-11-18T16:19:00.001Z

I have been in many places, but I have never been in Cahoots.
Apparently you can't go there alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport. You have to be
driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my family,
friends and those where I have worked.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump and I am not
too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go and I try not to
visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand
firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting
older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense. It really gets the
adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart. At my age I need all of
the stimuli I can get.

Now if I can just avoid getting in Continent.

With many thanks to Uncle Pete Dawes :-)

City of Lights

2011-11-16T13:18:00.001Z

Truro, which is a city by the way, yes we have then in Cornwall is having the City of Lights

What is it? Well the City of Lights is a procession of giant handmade withy and tissue lanterns floating through the streets carried by professional artists accompanied by a host of smaller lanterns carried by Cornish school children and local community and youth groups. This year's theme is Wildlife and having seen some of the previous years' entries I think it will be very good.

The parade starts at 7pm and the Christmas lights switch on will take place when the parade pauses for a grand countdown in Boscawen Street. The parade will finish between 8.00pm and 8.30pm.

So if you are not doing anything this evening and want to see something spectacular, come to Truro.

Finally

2011-11-14T13:00:00.000Z

The postcards that we sent from Tunisia arrived last Thursday, exactly three weeks after we sent them!

I wouldn't like to even think how they managed to get back at all, though glad they did although I remember thinking that it would have been quicker to bring them back and post them over here lol.

Originally when the British post office opened, you could post something in the morning and for it to be received in the afternoon and still leave you time for a reply the same day. With all our technology and machinery, we now do less with more than our ancestors.

John McCrae - In Flanders Field

2011-11-13T08:00:00.000Z

It is interesting to see John's handwritten version, but it still moves me as much now as when I first read it.

Saturday Satire : Army Answering Machine

2011-11-12T08:41:00.000Z

OFFICIAL ARMY VOICEMAIL MESSAGE

Thank you for calling the British Army. I'm sorry, but all of our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organisation, the region, the specifics of the crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out the Balkans, Iraq, Afghanistan, Northern Ireland, the Millennium Bug, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory Equal Opportunities training we will return your call.

Please speak after the tone, or if you require more options, please listen to the following:

If your crisis is small and close to the sea, Press 1 for Royal Marines.

If your concern is distant, with tropical climate and good hotels, and can be solved by 1 or 2 low risk bombing runs, please Press 'hash' for the Royal Air Force. (Please note that this service is not available after 1630hrs or at the weekend).

If your enquiry concerns a situation that can be resolved by a bit of grey funnel, bunting flags and a really good marching band, please write well in advance to 'The First Sea Lord, The Admiralty, Whitehall'.

If your enquiry is not urgent, Press 2 for the Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.

If you are in real, hot trouble please Press 3 and your call will be routed to Sandline International (mercenary services).

If you are interested in joining the Army and wish to be shouted at, paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family in a condemned hut miles from civilization, and are prepared to work your arse off daily, risking life and limb in all weathers and terrain, both day and night whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions of service, the please stay on the line... Your call will shortly be connected to a bitter passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a grotty shop down by the railway station.

Have a pleasant day and thank you again for trying to contact the British Army.

A sad sight but all too common

2011-11-10T20:28:00.000Z

I always find these gravestone so very sad, and yet have so much respect for those that died for our freedom that we take for granted today.

It doesn't matter which conflict

2011-11-10T09:05:00.001Z

.. and they'll all wear their poppies with pride

2011-11-09T08:20:00.000Z

There's rats in the trenches
A thousand foul stenches
Of piss, pus and puke, blood and death
Jim's screaming his head off
'Cause Frank hasn't got one
And Joey's just drawn his last breath
While back home in Surrey
They try not to worry
And keep all their doubts locked inside
For in a few years
There'll be no more tears
And they'll all wear their poppies with pride...

She can't understand
As she holds the girl's hand
That her daughter's no longer attached
They were all blown to hell

As a terrorist cell

Though a wedding was all that they'd hatched

And back in the West

They're so sure they know best

Though they've tortured and murdered and lied

And they don't want to know

What the body counts show

As they all wear their poppies with pride...

Oh, they all wear their poppies with pride...

At the annual board meeting
Arms dealers are greeting
Reports of their profits with glee
They'll always be willing
To make a quick killing
From slaughter and mass misery
And when it's all over
They'll head off to stuff
The big bellies their suits cannot hide
And they won't spare a thought
For the carnage they've brought
But they'll all wear their poppies with pride...
Yes they'll all wear their poppies with pride...

Whoever you mix with
There's bound to be someone
Whose mind is still caught in the mesh
Those soldiers aren't heroes
They're nothing but fodder
For the thing that grows fat on our flesh
And you show no respect
For the ones left behind
Or the miserable sods who have died
If you can't face the truth about why they were killed
And you still wear your poppies with pride...
If you still wear your poppies with pride....
Do you still wear your poppies with pride?

(Paul Cudenec, 2009)

Remembering those who have given their lives

2011-11-08T19:06:00.000Z

As a biker, and as a child and grandchild of previously serving members of the forces, remembrance day has a special meaning to me.

Fireworks

2011-11-07T09:25:00.001Z

I will admit to being a big kid and loving fireworks, but in the right place and at the right time. Right outside our door is a big communal green area (that the management company would like to build on but that is another story), and one of our kind neighbours decided in their wisdom that this would be a great place to set off their fireworks on Friday night.

They parked their cars safely away from the area, while other neighbours property was put at risk for a few bangs and sparkles; SOH pointed out, quite correctly, that if anything had happened either property affected or people injured they would have been liable but thankfully on this occasion all went well.

The pondboys looked up at a particularly loud bang, but didn't really react badly at all and other than a few more on Saturday night we were not particularly inundated with them. Other pet owners dread this time of year, as their pets get very stressed out by the fireworks both noise and colour. The sooner they clamp down on private sales the better for me as I think the best displays are the organised ones.

My sympathy to those people affected by the M5 crash on Friday night, it is never easy to lose a loved one, but in those circumstances it must have been horrible.

Satire Satire : Teaching Manners

2011-11-05T10:40:00.002Z

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the Following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back..'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to Say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.'

The teacher fainted

No More Cages

2011-11-03T08:24:00.000Z

Jasper came to us at the end of March, and up until October he slept in a cage downstairs in the living room. This was partly because he was a bit of a chewer and we didn't want to risk his health or the house contents while we were out.

If we didn't shut him in at night, he would bounce around like a demented tigger, so we all could get some sleep if we used the cage. The drawbacks were that the dog hairs would be trapped underneath and it was very heavy to move daily, not only that making Jaspers bed (a double quilt - spoilt or what?) was damned difficult.

We made the decision to do away with the bed, when Jasper settled down enough, and replaced it with two plastic dog beds one for each of the pond boys. Murphy sleeps upstairs in his den (under our bed) and Jasper after a few nights of wandering upstairs and being told to go to bed is as good as gold and sleeps downstairs in his. He hasn't chewed anything other than one of my old socks and both boys looked guilty of the offence so no blame could be put on one or the other.

It will make Christmas easier as the cage took up a lot of space in the dining room, and we are in the midst of the run up to christmas with all the adverts starting to sell, sell, sell.. SOH and I have our christmas present as we treated ourselves to a new tv (I can hear the groans from Kath lol) but we don't tend to go out much so this is our socialising entertainment - we traded in our two years worth of tesco vouchers to pay for the majority of it and rest came from the remainder of our holiday money. Just have to work out the technology now as this tv also comes with internet access when I get it sussed.

November 1st

2011-11-01T08:48:00.002Z

I love the effect of this, and yes from today, I will be wearing my poppy.

Under African Skies

2011-10-31T08:47:00.000Z

This was the view from our room, out over to the beach and the small swimming pool where we spent our days.

The hotel was brilliant, full of marble and the staff were excellent - couldn't do enough for you. If you wanted a mattress for a seat by the pool they would bring it to you.

The beach most days was quiet, but that was because if you ventured on there the salesmen would be after you constantly pestering you to buy their 'not-so'honest branded goods.

Failing that the camel vendors would try and get you to ride a camel...shame really because I would have liked to have got a bit closer.

The star member of staff was a lady called Bassma who created this swan for us on the first day and then surprised us with the heart on our last day..even including Barncoose the bear as part of her design... such talent and a very sweet person.

Saturday Satire : The Nun and the Priest

2011-10-29T06:26:00.000+01:00

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel.  
On the third day out the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.  
After dusting themselves off, the nun and the priest surveyed their 
situation.  After a long period of silence, the priest spoke.
  "Well sister, this looks pretty grim."
  "I know, father."
  "In fact, I don't think it likely that we can survive more than 
a day or two."
  "I agree."
  "Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would 
you do something for me?"
  "Anything father."
  "I have never seen a woman's breasts and I was wondering if I might 
see yours."
  "Well, under the circumstances I don't see that it would do any harm."
  The nun opened her habit and the priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely 
breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty.
  "Sister would you mind if I touched them?"
  She consented and he fondled them for several minutes.
  "Father, could I ask something of you?"
  "Yes sister?"
  "I have never seen a man's penis.  Could I see yours?"
  "I supposed that would be OK," the priest replied lifting his robe.
  "Oh father, may I touch it?"
  This time the priest consented and after a few minutes of fondling 
he was sporting a huge erection.
 "Sister, you know that if I insert my penis in the right place, it 
can give life."
  "Is that true father?"
  "Yes it is, sister."
  "Then why don't you stick it up that camel's ass and lets get 
the hell out of here."

2011-10-28T12:55:00.000+01:00

Today, catching up with the news I heard that a fellow blogger has lost her battle for life... Jo McGowran of Life in Windermere

Jo was one of my earliest followers, and we had some great bloggy conversations, she faced her cancer, like she did life, with courage and fighting spirit. The world seems a darker place now to have come home and heard the news.

Her funeral is on Monday, and I would have loved to have gone, but time, distance and commitments will keep me in Cornwall but in her memory I shall wear something yellow as I think of her family left behind.

Arriving Back from Africa

2011-10-27T13:00:00.000+01:00

We arrived back from Africa (or more precisely Tunisia) this morning, in the wee small hours. I will post something about the holiday when we have recovered from the trip, some 4.5 hours on a plane and having had lovely sunny days, with the odd rain shower and then coming back to the cold and chilly weather... brrrrh

The Pond Boys have been to stay at a local pet hotel (actually just a posh name for kennels) and will be relieved to have us back again.. I would love to take them abroad at some point into the future but we will have to see.

The Sex Life of the Camel

2011-10-27T06:27:00.000+01:00

The sex life of the camel
Is not as dull as one thinks
For in moments of animal passion,
He makes crude attempts at the Sphinx.
But the Sphinx's posterior passage
Is clogged with the sands of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile.

African Sunshine

2011-10-25T07:47:00.000+01:00

When you read this, I will have been sunning myself in the African Sunshine inTunisia which at the last look just before leaving chilly England was a nice comfortable 27 deg C or 80 deg F... nice

An MP3 full of audio books, songs and an e-reader full of books to read and a fully inclusive holiday means we should have been able to relax and recuperate before the onset of Winter...

See you all in a few days..

Lanner in the Mist

2011-10-24T07:34:00.000+01:00

Lanner is a beautiful village near us in Cornwall, and this is a beautiful picture which represents the best of Autumn and all this land offers us.

Saturday Satire : The Blonde Painter

2011-10-22T06:22:00.000+01:00

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

My first Computer

2011-10-21T07:24:00.000+01:00

Well, I am old lol! What did you expect :-)

Can you spot it?

2011-10-20T08:18:00.000+01:00

Please don't put in the comments what the mistake is, only that you found it.. thanks to Dan for providing me with this one.

Autumn Fires

2011-10-19T08:14:00.000+01:00

In the other gardens
And all up the vale,
From the autumn bonfires
See the smoke trail!

Pleasant summer over
And all the summer flowers,
The red fire blazes,
The grey smoke towers.

Sing a song of seasons!
Something bright in all!
Flowers in the summer,
Fires in the fall!

Robert Louis Stevenson

Beach Walk

2011-10-18T06:39:00.000+01:00

The boys enjoyed a sunny walk on Gwithian dunes this afternoon. The sun is warm during the day but colder at nights but then again it is nearly November; this time last year it was cold and we had unforseen snow and ice for a few days.

The forecast is for cooler temperatures, with temperatures down to just above freezing... something to think about - when to put the heating on!

Before and After

2011-10-17T11:19:00.000+01:00

The grand unveiling lol

This was the before shot. It was crinkly because in order to keep it tidy (and out of my way) it spent most of its time in a plait and when you undo it this is what it looked like.

I am lucky in where I work we have a training salon, and the student who cut my hair is a level 3 student who had a great sense of humour. We agreed a length and style although I did warn her that my hair has a mind of its own and it is not always guaranteed to obey.

After a splendid hour of pampering the results are shown here. It looks lovely but also having been straightened looks lovely and sleek; it won't be like that for very long.

The best bit about it was the cost.. a magnificant £4.00 - I will be going back there again when it needs a trim.

Saturday Satire : Drs' Smith & Jones

2011-10-15T06:54:00.000+01:00

Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors".

The council was livid and insisted they change it. So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids".

This was also not acceptable, so they again changed the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics" - No go.

Next, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives" - thumbs down again..

Then came "Minds and Behinds" - still no good.

Another attempt resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes" - unacceptable again!

So they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts" - not a chance,

"Nuts and Butts" - no way,

"Freaks and Cheeks" - still no good,

"Loons and Moons" - forget it.

Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends".

Everyone loved it.

Roles of a Professional Teacher

2011-10-12T08:37:00.000+01:00

I had to come up with a presentation on the roles of a professional teacher and I started with one of my favourite quotes - who can't help think of Socrates as influencing modern day thinking..

I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think. Socrates (Ancient Greek Philosopher, 470 BC-399 BC)

Then I gave them what a teacher is

Coach
Mentor
Guide
Entertainer
Authoritative
Assessor
Friend
Negotiator
Manager
Time Keeper

Before finishing with what characteristics/skills a teacher needs

Patience
Strength
Knowledge
Respect
Boundaries
Support
Discipline
Management/Admin Skills
Sense of Humour
Understanding

Before summing up with a metaphor of a teacher

October Dawns

2011-10-10T09:55:00.001+01:00

The dawns are happening later and later, the nights are drawing in and the mists are more frequent. I don't mind, the side benefit is the glorious golds and reds in the fields and trees. Saturday saw me go with SOH over to HMS Seahawk (or Culdrose to the uninitiated) to watch him referee the navy boys against a local village.

It is nice over there as their clubhouse is open, so I was warm, dry and comfortable and had the space to lay out my paperwork and crack on with some college work. Culdrose drew 1 all with the other team, but were not the politest team on the pitch.

Me, I enjoyed a cup of coffee, while watching from afar (which suits me) I prefer rugby and hope to see some more local teams playing this season. When we got home, we watched the very disappointing England's performance (or lack of it) against France, and enjoyed a chinese take-away for tea.

A good day, was had by all... shame then that Sunday the Sun didn't make an appearance we had misty weather pretty much all day, but I was busy downloading audio books onto many mp3 players ready for holiday which is fast approaching.

We have finally taken the cage down, which has been Jasper's home since day one. He now has a plastic dogbed with his quilt in it and he accepts it as his new bed, although he would prefer to sleep upstairs with the rest of us.. Sadly for him, as he can't stay still for more than 5 mins... can a dog suffer from adhd? .... he gets to sleep downstairs in his posh new pad but finally I could hoover up all the loose dog hair hiding behind the cage. We are now in the process of selling the cage which has done us proud over the past year and a half.

Saturday Satire : The Wolf Man

2011-10-08T18:13:00.001+01:00

The Wolf Man comes home one day from a long day at the office. "How was work, dear?" his wife asks.

"Listen! I don't want to talk about work!" he shouts.

"Okay. Would you like to sit down and eat a nice home cooked meal?" she asks nicely.

"Listen!" he shouts again. "I'm not hungry! I don't wanna eat! All right! Is that all right with you? Can I come home from work and just do my own thing without you forcing food down my throat? Huh?"

At this moment, the wolf man started growling, and throwing things around the apartment in a mad rage.

Looking out the window, his wife sees a full moon and says to herself, "Well, I guess it's that time of the month."

Wet Wednesday

2011-10-05T20:44:00.000+01:00

Today, two weeks to go and we said hello to the wet weather yesterday. No more blue skies, sunshine and warm autumnal weather and hello to the after effects of hurricane ophelia; lots of wind, rain and gloomy outlook.

The boys had their last jabs today, ready for a stay in kennels. I don't like the idea of leaving them in kennels, I have never been a fan of them, but luckily Murphy is used to it and it means Jasper will have some company.

A trip to Halfords saw a replacement bulb for the car, the second one that has blown since last year - mind you I cant remember whether it was the same side or not so that doesn't help, but it is now 10 years old and showing her age a bit.

Brunch was a McDonalds, though too cold for a milk shake so a hot chocolate accompanied a very plain burger in a bun but even that was too much for me; I really only have one to remind me why I don't eat them more frequently.

FASCINATING AIDA - It Isn't Too Late To Be Famous

2011-10-05T20:33:00.000+01:00

The Time Has Come...

2011-10-03T18:43:00.001+01:00

My hair has been growing now for nearly 18 months with nigh a trim... but now with the holiday fast approaching I have been planning it's demise.

It is the longest length I have had it since I was about 30, but it increasingly gets in my way at night, during the day and on the bike. It has had bits chopped off the length by me (directed at SOH) but nowhere near hairdresser style.

It is badly in need of a trim, I grew it to get rid of an unwanted fringe, but never found the time to have a cut and blow dry professionally.

Change is good, change is positive and the benefits will be good; though I will miss my built in fly deterrent (pony tail)

A visit from my Uncle Peter

2011-10-02T11:14:00.003+01:00

Yesterday we had the pleasure of meeting my Uncle Peter, who moved to Australia when I was but a nipper and before my Dad was posted to Malaya.

I remember some of the family visiting us when we lived in the back of beyond, about 30 years ago but gradually as the years went by we lost contact with the Australian side of the family.

The about 18 months ago, just before the move to the Edge of the World I had an email contact from Uncle Peter as we were both researching information on the same branch of the family.

They are over here visiting, Peter with his new wife Julie whose family have branches in and around Cornwall (St Agnes, St Kevern, Penryn etc) and last night we met up with them and had a meal at the countryman.

I keep the family history box, which I inherited from my Mum and Dad who inherited it from Nan and Pops who were also Peter's Mum and Dad and when we went through it yesterday evening we were pleased to be able to give Peter some personal memento's of his early life including the telegram he sent from the Festival of Britain in 1951, the second telegram confirming he and his first wife Pat had made it to Tasmania and also some photos of him as well as his baptismal certificate. The other article we passed over was his wartime ration book.

We have some others that we need to get copied, but we agreed to scan these in as well and email them across.

I certainly learnt some interesting facts about my grandparents, not all good, but all the same it was good to be able to share information about our own memories and also update each other on what we have been doing in the meantime. They have kindly invited us out to Australia on a holiday, which we would love to do at some point in the near future; just might need to win the lottery first!

Saturday Satire : My Night Out!

2011-10-01T10:55:00.000+01:00

Went out with a lady tonight, after a (ahem) rather energetic goodnight, she told me she used to be a hooker.

I said I was'nt bothered, and in truth, it could only be a benefit.

She then said "I'm not sure you understand,....my name was Brian, and I played for Wigan"

Despite the Warmth

2011-09-28T10:33:00.000+01:00

Autumn is reaching out her tendrils and changing the leaves from green to glorious shades from gold to red... it never ceases to amaze me that something so simple can give so much pleasure.

The nights are drawing in, and are cooler but the days currently are warmer than we have experienced throughout the so called summer leading to more people enjoying a late summer holiday on the beaches of our country.

All to soon this brief glimpse will be eclipsed, but I for one will remember its warmth to keep me going in the all too long winter.

Saturday Satire : Who wants to be a millionaire?

2011-09-24T05:01:00.000+01:00

A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire

Tarrant: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - £500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million pounds if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to £32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Tarrant: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Tarrant: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Tarrant: "Hello Maggie, its Tarrant here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on £500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Tarrant: "Well, do you want to stick on £500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Tarrant: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Tarrant: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had £500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION POUNDS.

Here is your checque. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

2011-09-23T16:57:00.007+01:00

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I;
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Something about this piece of writing

that tugs at my heart,

I am not sure why,

perhaps it is the road that I am travelling by

Nothing seems too smooth but the view is fine,

The path underfoot seems sure and flat

Even behind doesn't seem to be looking back.

Boys first visit to the vets

2011-09-21T16:52:00.001+01:00

Today the boys had their boosters, or were supposed to, Poor Murphy has had to start his injections from scratch not much fun for him.

We had him in June and assumed incorrectly that he was protected until this June, Jasper in the meanwhile was due in November but it makes more sense to take them together so Jasper was going early and Murphy a bit later. Only when the vet went through his card, he hadn't had any jabs since his first ones in September 2009 so the poor lad has to start again. His second jabs are on the 5th of next month.

Both of them were good and as a result are now enjoying a rawhide ring to chew on which they are tucking into as I write this.

Saturday Nights alright... ;-)

2011-09-19T07:01:00.000+01:00

One of the delights of Saturday night, well not every Saturday, is a meal from our favourite chinese the Hong Sing in Redruth.

We can order online, and pay on delivery which is excellent as after a hard day watching the football (well actually I sat in the car with a good book) and SOH was busy running up and down the pitch keepign the little blighters in line making various ~~threats~~ comments like Yellow or Red card?

Saturday night we tried a special chow mein, the last time we had a really good one was in Derby but hadn't had much success since then.. then we had some at Stithians show which was lovely and apparently the trick is to ask for it to be dry fried... bingo the chow mein was stunningly gorgeous and was scoffed immediately.

Needless to say, it is going to be on the regular list from now on and possibly replacing the fried rice.

So if you live in the locality or visiting from afar, I can definitely recommend a meal from the Hong Sing; I just wish they had a restaurent.. but you never know what will happen in future.

Saturday Satire : A really bad day

2011-09-17T07:02:00.000+01:00

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a taxi to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The Taxi driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

What happened?

2011-09-16T18:35:00.000+01:00

I took the boys this morning over the fields in search of my autumnal harvest of blackberries but it was a very poor selection.

Last year, Murphy and I came home regularly with plump dark blackberries by the kilo. This year they are small, stunted and look dried out before I have had a chance to dehyrdrate them.

I really wanted a good batch to put in the mincemeat this year as an additional flavour but at this rate it doesn't look as though it is going to be possible.

Tunisia here we go

2011-09-15T13:59:00.000+01:00

After a long talk with the travel agent, we decided on a holiday to Tunisia.

It is somewhere that we have not visited before, and had to choose between a week in Turkey or Tunisia but the latter won because of the closeness of the beach.

Apparently it is 25 degs average for when we are going, whatever it is you can bet that the weather here will pick up as soon as that plane goes up so no I am not telling you the precise date we leave.. instead I will let you guess... ;-)

Being a Student Again - PGCE Part II

2011-09-13T11:19:00.001+01:00

A minor hiccup saw me having to redo an essay on the role of educational theorists views on a complex issue. I was sure I understood the problem, but apparently I drifted off into the abyss of student blindness to the real question. Anyway, it was redone and successfully this time by a wide margin which was a relief as it was a barrier to the second year stage.

So now, I am on year two. Back to being a student on a monday evening again, but this time it is only up until October as we are expected to be selfmanaging our learning time hmmm I forsee problems with that so plan to build time into my days when free from work.

Unlike last year, when we had to submit two pieces of work at the end of the module, this year they have built in at the midway point the first submission point. Which is the 8th November with the second being early January so a little more pressure this year and requires a bit more dedication - please note self I said a little more dedication ;-)

Saturday Satire : Arthritis

2011-09-10T11:38:00.000+01:00

A drunk man who smelled of beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say Father, what causes arthritis?'

The priest replies, 'My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, contempt for your fellow man,! sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of a bath.'

The drunk muttered in response, 'Well, I'll be damned,' Then returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'

The drunk answered, 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'

MORAL: Make sure you understand the question before offering the answer.

Hmmm

2011-09-08T11:03:00.002+01:00

I've heard this before, but it still makes me think twice when I hear someone being criticized.

“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them, and you have their shoes.”

Jack Handey

A Dark and Stormy Night

2011-09-06T16:10:00.001+01:00

Whew.. glad that night is over and done with. The winds howled around Tre Agan relentlessly from about midnight last night.... this morning, the rain threw itself down on me and the boys as we took our morning walk around the streets of Redruth, I tried to avoid the areas with trees as much as possible as a lot of debris was still falling.

Then a trip to see a student on the North Coast, by which time the winds had dropped to a steady blow and the rain eased... by the timeI got home it was drying up but feeling chilly. Nothing like a slow introduction to the delights of winter.. now where was Summer?

REME

2011-09-04T23:43:00.000+01:00

Arte et Marte
By Skill and By Fighting

My Dad, who is keeping Mum company, served for 24 years in the army and 22 of those with REME or Royal Mechanical Engineers better known as Royal Engineers Minus Education. He served with them from 1952 first as National Service, then full time. He was in Tripoli during the first uprising, then Blandford Forum where yours truly was hatched after a fast exit from Tripoli where Mum lost a lot of her precious belongings. Later they moved to Arborfield, before serving in Kluang, Malaya with 75 Aircraft Workshops, then we moved to Detmold, Germany to be with 4 Field Workshops before his final posting in Bordon, Hants.

I am trying to find the flashes/division signals for the German/Malayan posting but so far am not having a lot of luck. I will be able to apply for his veterans badge, through the Royal British Legion of whom we are now a member of their riders branch... but more of that later.

Saturday Satire : Agony Aunt Letter

2011-09-03T01:30:00.000+01:00

Dear Agony Aunt

I have two brothers, one works at Microsoft, the other was sentenced to death in the gas chamber.

My mother died of insanity when I was three years old, my two sisters are prostitutes and my father sells drugs.

Recently, I met a girl who was released from a reformatory where she served time for smothering her illegitimate child to death.

I love this girl very much and want to marry her.

My problem is this:

Shall I tell her about my brother who works at Microsoft?

Sincerely,

Larry

Engineers Explained

2011-09-01T17:33:00.002+01:00

Engineers Explained

People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the non-technical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This will help to teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.

Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.

ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST

You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...

A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered, self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the inventor of the nail was a total moron.

The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who writes "It depends" in the margin of the test or simply blames the whole stupid thing on "Marketing."

SOCIAL SKILLS
Engineers have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.

"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social interaction:

* Stimulating and thought-provoking conversation
* Important social contacts
* A feeling of connectedness with other humans

In contrast to "normal" people, engineers have rational objectives for social interactions:

* Get it over with as soon as possible.
* Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant.
* Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.

FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the engineer, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two categories:

1. things that need to be fixed
2. things that will need to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.

Engineers like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily available, they will create their own problems. Normal people don't understand this concept; they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

No engineer looks at a television remote control without wondering what it would take to turn it into a stun gun. No engineer can take a shower without wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary. To the engineer, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and feature-poor toys.

FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for an engineer, assuming the basic thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages are freezing or sticking together, and if no genitalia or mammary glands are swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met. Anything else is a waste.

LOVE OF "STAR TREK"
Engineers love all of the "Star Trek" television shows and movies. It's a small wonder, since the engineers on the starship Enterprise are portrayed as heroes, occasionally even having sex with aliens. This is much more glamorous than the real life of an engineer, which consists of hiding from the universe and having sex without the participation of other life forms.

DATING AND SOCIAL LIFE
Dating is never easy for engineers. A normal person will employ various indirect and duplicitous methods to create a false impression of attractiveness. Engineers are incapable of placing appearance above function.

Fortunately, engineers have an ace in the hole. They are widely recognized as superior marriage material: intelligent, dependable, employed, honest, and handy around the house. While it's true that many normal people would prefer not to date an engineer, most normal people harbor an intense desire to mate with them, thus producing engineer-like children who will have high-paying jobs long before losing their virginity.

Male engineers reach their peak of sexual attractiveness later than normal men, becoming irresistible erotic dynamos in their mid thirties to late forties. Just look at these examples of sexually irresistible men in technical professions:

* Bill Gates.
* MacGyver.
* Etcetera.

Female engineers become irresistible at the age of consent and remain that way until about thirty minutes after their clinical death. Longer if it's a warm day.

HONESTY
Engineers are always honest in matters of technology and human relationships. That's why it's a good idea to keep engineers away from customers, romantic interests, and other people who can't handle the truth.

Engineers sometimes bend the truth to avoid work. They say things that sound like lies but technically are not because nobody could be expected to believe them. The complete list of engineer lies is listed below.

* "I won't change anything without asking you first."
* "I'll return your hard-to-find cable tomorrow."
* "I have to have new equipment to do my job."
* "I'm not jealous of your new computer."

FRUGALITY
Engineers are notoriously frugal. This is not because of cheapness or mean spirit; it is simply because every spending situation is simply a problem in optimization, that is, "How can I escape this situation while retaining the greatest amount of cash?"

POWERS OF CONCENTRATION
If there is one trait that best defines an engineer it is the ability to concentrate on one subject to the complete exclusion of everything else in the environment. This sometimes causes engineers to be pronounced dead prematurely. Some funeral homes in high-tech areas have started checking resumes before processing the bodies. Anybody with a degree in electrical engineering or experience in computer programming is propped up in the lounge for a few days just to see if he or she snaps out of it.

RISK
Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something.

EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
* Hindenberg.
* Space Shuttle Challenger.
* SPANet(tm)
* Hubble space telescope.
* Apollo 13.
* Titanic.
* Ford Pinto.
* Corvair.

The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this:

RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people.
REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame.

Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain.

If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much."

EGO
Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:

* How smart they are.
* How many cool devices they own.

The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature.

Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved.

Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems."

At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop

Designer Mutts! Watch out it's a Monday Rant on a Tuesday!

2011-08-30T09:10:00.001+01:00

@dickiebo.. thanks for that, can't believe it is Tuesday yet lol

I can't quite believe the number of adverts in the local papers (rags) with pedigree pooches... sorry designer mutts !

After all what home wouldn't be without a patterjack puppy, or perhaps a sprocker, cockerpoo, pugalier, jackapug and all at such bargain prices starting from £300 and rising upwards for such innovative breeding.

Now most puppies are little eye-catchers when tiny and helpless, but they grow up, need walks, feeding, playing and eventually mature into a healthy full grown (butt ugly) dog.. I have seen a sprocker which looks like a dwarf springer, just the legs were short and bandy.. but this was designed by their (irresponsible) breeders to appeal to the must have buyers.. do they actually care about what happens to their dogs in later life?

Years ago, we bred a jack russell bitch (before they ruined them by giving them kennel club status), good working stock to another working dog and in due course she had three boy puppies, quickly nicknamed - fish, chips and kipper. Well we originally wanted a bitch to carry on the line but were disappointed.

Still Fish was duly picked up by the sire's family as they wanted to have a dog to carry on his father's tasks and he was such a similar shape/size and markings as to be a double. Chips was purchased by a friend, as a working terrier and his life was enjoyed by him and his owner on a farm near where we lived. Kipper became mine, endearing little rough coated boy whose brains were definitely in short supply, and his breeding capacity was marred by having the kit but not the instruction set. He lived until he was 15 and died because he had prostate problems, but he had a long and happy life rabbiting and ferreting.

It was our only foray into breeding and in our concerns for getting homes for the offspring we didn't consider the profits involved in the process. I wish today's so called designer breeders would take a look at the number of dogs waiting for homes in rescue organisations and reconsider their money making scheme.

Writing Lesson Plans

2011-08-29T12:46:00.000+01:00

My bank holiday weekend has been spend writing lesson plans for the forthcoming year, perhaps I spend too much time on them but this is an evil necessity for my PGCE where I need to submit 10 hours per module with at least one observation on it.

My role is changing, from being a workplace tutor, travelling to see individual students we are modifying it to a combination, of taught sessions some 6 hours long (ie. all day sessions) and others for up to 2 hours so I will have no problem collecting the hours required.

However, I am also expected to reflect on my sessions, what worked well, what needs modifying and add some creativity to my teaching.. Hmm that last one is tricky, but I am working on it.

This morning though, a break in proceedings, the sun was shining and the Pond Boys begged me for a long walk so we trekked up Carn Marth and saw the three quarries, the original small Pond Boy quarry, the larger lake quarry and the last one was the theatre quarry... as I type the Pond Boys are sleeping off their exertions while I go back to the lesson plans..

Whatever your bank holiday brings, may you be blessed with blue skies and sunshine.

Saturday Satire : The Drunk

2011-08-27T11:29:00.000+01:00

In the USA the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male, in a pumpkin patch just after midnight one Friday.

On Monday, at the Gwinnett County Courthouse (Georgia), Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, gross indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session, when he decided to stop, "You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no-one around for miles, or so I thought there was no-one around," he stated in a telephone interview.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his alleged need. "Guess I was really into it, you know?" he commented with obvious embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching police car and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure, "said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to Lawrence and he's just banging away at this pumpkin."

Officer Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence.
I said, "Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are having sex with a pumpkin?"

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said..... "A pumpkin? S H I T..... Is it midnight already?"

Arghhhh

2011-08-26T08:50:00.000+01:00

It's Friday, I have been rained on over the last three days incessantly... while walking the dogs.. needless to say they don't care but when you only have a finite amount of time available in the morning and that when two black labs get very wet they take a bit of drying and therefore some things I do in the morning, like breakfast, has to be sacrificed.

It has been not much better when I have got home, they look expectantly at me in the hope that another walk is in the offing, sometimes I take them just across the road and play ball with them until they start to puff... it is very hard to wear Jasper out he is very athletic, but poor Murphy starts to get tired quite quickly as he is more stocky - please note I don't mean fat - they are just different builds.

Still a long weekend lies ahead of me, and next week is going to be a lovely week with some much needed holiday although not as much as I would have hoped.

Introducing you to :

2011-08-23T11:47:00.000+01:00

Pete's Blog

A man after my own heart, living off the land, living frugally and living life kindly... all things I aspire to in my own way.

Our allotment dream is still there, it's getting hold of one without having to drive miles to get to it which in winter would be impossible to get to every day. However, we are able to enjoy the fruits of our labours in terms of runner beans, and enjoy the sweet scent of Sweet Peas.

I use freecycle locally, both to give and to receive. I hadn't heard of freeconomy before but will be sure to check it out along with the book/cd/dvd swap... after all when you have heard/seen/read it before will you really watch/listen/read it again ... please note that books once adopted by me very rarely leave the premises.. after all a book is for life, not just for that Summer read ;-).

Pop over and visit Pete sometime.

Stithians

2011-08-22T11:15:00.001+01:00

We went to the Stithians Steam Rally yesterday, blessed with blue skies, sunshine and any amount of steam engines, lorries, cars you could think of. My personal favourites were the minatures, the love and attention these were getting from their owners had to be seen to be believed and one even had a minature organ attached to it. As soon as I download the pictures from the camera I will put them up.

We decided to leave the pond boys at home, but there were plenty of other dogs there and I think they would have enjoyed it so next year they are going to go to.

I don't think we saw half of what was actually there, and some of the displays we missed because we were watching the parade of tractors.. yep you heard correctly tractors such as john deere, massey ferguson and some much older ones than yours truly. We originally went to the ring to watch the vintage motorcycles, but they were running behind schedule.

My back was well and truly aching by the time we left to go home after 6 hours walking around the show ground and that was on top of me having taken the dogs for a run in the morning so I didn't fancy doing much last night.

Next weekend sees the start of SOH and the football refereeing season.. deep joy. Still I checked our fantasy football teams after the first week and he was 11 points ahead of me... this week tells a different story

Sage : 51 points, position 114248
SOH : 50 points, position 115480

I don't think we will be challenging for the top prize, but we have a £5 stake on which team comes top..

Saturday Satire : At the Races

2011-08-20T06:39:00.000+01:00

A punter was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt.
He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race..

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track. Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the horse won the race. He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next. He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning. The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on.

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day. This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag come in dead last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.

Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'.

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy. 'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants, you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'

Quest

2011-08-19T09:56:00.000+01:00

Where to go on holiday for a short break in November? up to 7-10 days

Important Requirements

Warm Sunshine
Close to Beach
Close to Amenities
Good hotel/apartment
Not too Expensive (I looked at the price of Cape Verde and winced)

Happy to Consider

Self Catering
Fully Inclusive
Half-Board

Where would you go, any personal recommendations please let me know